Ten Dollar Reviews

Sukiyaki Western Django

2009-05-03T13:57:00.003-04:00

A lone cowboy rides into town with information on where gold may be found. As he stands in the center of town the two rival gangs (the Reds and the Whites) shout their offers and flex their muscle. The two gangs have taken over the town (with one taking in the sniveling sheriff) and have run almost everyone else out leaving just themselves. The lone cowboy goes with an old woman who has ties to both gangs and learns the tales of both groups. As the story unfolds, sides are chosen and secrets are revealed. Oh, and you migth also want to know that they are Asian. This town in the wild west of the U.S. is an interesting mix of cowboys and ninjas from the weapons they use to the clothes they wear. I'll do my best to explain it a little more in the ratings below, but for a better understanding I would definitely recommend checking out the trailer below.

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 121 minutes

Death - $1
This is a quantity vs. quality issue for Django. Considering the fact that there are revolvers AND katanas, I just don't think they killed enough. But there is some great movie death moments including a sword getting implanted in the top of someone's skull and a big whole being blown out of someone's torso followed by an arrow being shot THROUGH said whole into another guy. You just can't find this kind of stuff on Lifetime.

Repeat Play - $1
This is a great movie for ironing. If your head isn't pointed at the screen the whole time it doesn't take away too much since the whole thing doesn't really make much sense. That actually sounds a little mean. Whether you pay close attention or not, Django is a very interesting watch with the blended style of samurai and cowboy styles. If you are looking for a movie that isn't your everyday ro-comm or over produced action flick then this is a fun little break from the norm.

Shock Value - $1
There are some interesting twists but the entirety of the movie could be considered shocking since you don't trily know what to expect (or at least I didn't, but I don't get out all that much). If you are able to predict every twist of this movie then you must be some sort of psychic and should be able to find a much better use for your talents. Maybe you could go on a game show or be like that Mel Gibson movie "What Women Want". I'm just saying, you really should be using it for more than just taking the pleasure out of watching movies. Moving on...

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
I might be judging harshly here but I don't feel like there was enough intensity here to get a full rating. While there is a good amount of action, there are some definite lulls in between. To quote myself... Need more 'splosions.

Billicious - $1
It didn't completely knock my socks off, but I am glad I bought Sukiyaka Western Django. The concept is interesting, the presentation is amazing, and it's just a good little time. I don't know how many of my friends or how many of you (we're more acquantances than friends... you didn't even invite me to that BBQ) would really appreciate this one, but I still think you should give it a try.

Total Rating: $5

If you ever asked yourself what the love child of Bruce Lee and John Wayne would be like... here's your answer. I don't really know what more to say than that. My words cannot possibly do the film justice so I suggest you watch the trailer below and if you like it then give the full movie a try. I don't think you will be disappointed in either case even though this was not a very high-scoring review. And as always, feedback is welcome!

Run Fatboy Run

2009-05-03T12:12:00.004-04:00

Dennis (played by Simon Pegg) is an out of shape security guard at a women's clothing store living in a crappy basement apartment. He's been running away his entire life, with the most extreme case being when he left Libby pregnant at the alter. Several years later he is in his son's life but Libby is dating a new, and much more successful, man. Wit works in the financial sector, runs regularly and is pretty much as a$$hole. Dennis can't stand to be completely losing Libby so he decides to run the same upcoming marathon as Wit and prove that he can finish something he sets his mind to. With the help of his best friend and upstairs neighbor, he enters and trains as things keep getting worse for him... even worse than the fact that he had to stop drinking, stop smoking, and learn how to run 26 miles in less than a month. (Hey folks... it's a movie.) Enough from me though... let's run on down to the ratings.

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 100 minutes
Hardee-Har-Har - $2
Simon Pegg is always good for a laugh, and he delivers here. A strong supporting cast - including Hank Azaria - had me laughing out loud several times with quips and one-liners.

Acting - $1
I expected acting on the level of a simple comedy but there is a lot more heart in Run Fatboy Run than I could have predicted. Each actor portrayed their respective characters splendidly and helped to draw me into the story and get more emotionally involved then I planned on being on a Sunday afternoon.

Repeat Play - $1
I can safely say that I will be watching this again within the next few weeks. I won't force my roommate to sit down and watch it as soon as he gets home (which I have done in the past) but I might make he and his girlfriend sit through it next weekend. Consider that a warning you two.

Romantics - $2
I put a lot of thought into this one. The movie begins with Dennis running away from his own shotgun wedding and that is probably one of the least romantic things someone can do. But what he puts himself through to win her back and how much Libby struggles with her old love and her new one felt very powerful. It felt much less forced than movies generally do, so I will happily hand over a couple bucks here.

Billicious - $2
Run Fatboy Run is one of those movies that I had some interest in seeing but never really made the effort until I saw it on sale for six bucks at Best Buy. I like Simon Pegg but wasn't initially inspired by the trailers so I let it be until this weekend. Man I wish I had watched this one sooner! It is an underappreciated and fun movie and I hope to hell that this review will convince at least one person to go and watch it.
Total Rating: $8

Part of why I use the $10 rating scale is that I don't like spending more than that on a movie. I frequent the weekly sales at Best Buy and pick up a lot for $5 - $9. Any time I can have a rating here higher than what I paid for the movie I am a very happy boy. Run Fatboy Run is a perfect example of that and for why I don't bother renting movies. It's throwing money away. I don't know how many people out there have seen this one, so if you have then feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts. I'm finally back in the swing of reviewing after a few months off, so check back soon and you're sure to find more here. Until then, always remember that metal doesn't go in the microwave!

Quantum of Solace

2009-05-02T23:27:00.002-04:00

The second chapter of the latest take on Bond, Quantum of Solace picks up where Casino Royale left off. Bond is still a relatively young agent and his normal recklessness and violent tactics are amplified by the Vespa's death. Bond discovers a connection between the mysterious organization giving MI-6 trouble and an "environmentalist" making deals with some less-than-reputable countries. As Bond gets closer to discovering the true plan of the Quantum organization, more international secret agencies get brought into the mix and it gets harder and harder for him to tell who is a friend and who is a foe. Beyond that, it's a Bond movie so I'm sure you have an idea of what goes down. So lets move on to the review.

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 106 minutes
Death - $2
The Daniel Craig version of Bond began the last movie without his 00 status, but changed that quickly and keeps the body count rising here in Quantum of Solace. Despite M's constant requests to have someone left alive for questioning, Bond keeps killing his way to the answers he seeks.

Repeat Play - $1
I watched Casino Royale a lot when I first saw it. I will probably watch Q of S again sometime soon (with my roommate or other friends that haven't seen it yet) but for my own personal viewing pleasure I think I'd watch the first one again instead.

Hello Ladies - $1
Bond movies are known for Bond girls, some of the hottest women in cinematic history. Olga Kurylenko, previously seen in Hitman and Max Payne, takes the lead Bond girl role here as Camille and she... looks... good. I set the bar just a little bit higher for Bond to compensate for his aversion on monogomy and I think that's wher they dropped the ball. Strawberry Fields has the classic Bond girl name, but didn't really wow me and felt like a weak rip-off of the young lady from Goldfinger (let me know if you don't get the reference). Anyway, I just don't think they earned the full rating here so I'll leave it at a dollar.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
I was very pleased with the opening car chase and several of the other fights and action scenes. This is Bond people so I shouldn't have to tell you there's action.

Billicious - $0
I feel that I should directly quote the rating system for this category... "I expected more and was let down." It's that simple... The movie was entertaining, yes, but it wasn't completely what I was hoping for. Sorry gang.
Total Rating: $6

I heard a lot of mixed reviews about Quantum of Solace and I think they were all right. There were a lot of great things about it, but it just didn't live up to Casino Royale. I don't think it is fair to compare the different takes on Bond (you're welcome Pierce) but I have no qualms with comparing two films from the same Bond series. My hope is that they will see what was missing here and make up for it in the next installment that I'm assuming they will make. Until next time, I'm Ten Dollah and you're not.

Children of Men

2009-05-02T21:01:00.003-04:00

It's the year 2027 and the world has gone to shit. A wave of inexplicable infertility has swept the globe and there hasn't been a new birth in over 18 years. Faced with pending extinction, societies have collapsed while Britain seems to have somehow maintained some level of "civility". Fearful of disease and terrorists from less fortunate (and the bar's been set low in this take on the future) countries, the borders have been sealed off and illegal aliens are hunted and deported by the military. Theo, played by Clive Owen, is a London resident living every day depressed and drunk until his ex-wife and former partner activist comes back into his life. She is now a major player in the underground and asks Theo to help her transport a member of the movement out of the country. Little does he know just how important this person is to the movement (or why) and just how far some people will go to make sure that destination is not reached. Let's move on to the review, shall we?

Original Release: 2006
Running Time: 109 minutes
Acting - $2
Clive Owen... Julianne Moore... Michael Caine... and the underrated Chiwetel Ejiofor all carry their characters from beginning to end here. A slew of unknowns provide immaculate supporting performances that help keep the gritty borderline-documentary feel of the movie.

Effects & Animation - $1
I'll be the first to admit that I didn't anticipate using this category for Children of Men. While it's set in the future, it isn't a very "futuristic" film - no Delorians. What made me decide to actually use it though is their use of single cut scenes. There are several in the movie (including the longest ever I believe) where it is all filmed in one long ongoing scene. It's truly impressive to consider how difficult that must have been to coordinate and complete.

Repeat Play - $1
I'm torn here. I've tried to watch Children of Men probably six times now, but today was the FIRST time I saw it all the way from beginning to end. Nothing against the movie, but I kept either watching it while I was cleaning the house or taking a nap so I never made it past a certain scene. Now that I've finally finished it, I'm glad I did but I don't think it will be too soon that I watch it again. I'm comfortable with the dollar here.

Shock Value - $1
As much as I pride myself on not spoiling anything, I will share one here mostly because I'm assuming everyone knows it. The lady Theo is asked to help transport is pregnant... the first person to be pregnant in almost 20 years. THAT isn't the biggest shock in the story though. There were a few parts that definitely caught me off guard enough to give them a dollar here. The ending is included here since I was surprised by what I finally saw.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
This isn't a fight-scene movie at all. But in this take on the future the world has been ravaged by war. Soldiers and militias are everywhere you look and shooting people is a common enough practice that I will grant them .75 Euros (at the current exchange rate).
Total Rating: $6

Children of Men is a pretty unique and interesting movie, and definitely one that I would recommend. If you're a Clive Owen fan (and honestly, who isn't?) then you'll enjoy it. If you like strong acting or then you'll enjoy it. If you like interesting takes on the possibly-soon downfall of humanity, you'll enjoy and we should never hang out. Oh, and did I mention Clive Owen yet? Honestly, this isn't one that I would recommend everyone go out and buy... but if you have a chance to see it (perhaps a friend has it on DVD or its on OnDemand) then definitely give it a go. It isn't the quickest moving movie (redundant?) ever but it's still a decent time. Enjoy!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

2009-04-26T13:19:00.002-04:00

Zack and Miri (played by Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks) are two childhood friends living together in a less-than-pleasant apartment outside of Pittsburgh. They both have low level jobs and struggle to pay the bills, so when their power and water are turned off they don't know where to turn. Losing their utilities the day of their high school reunion proved fortuitous though after having a chance meeting with a gay porn star that just happens to be "dating" the old quarterback and childhood tormentor of Miri. This run-in helped them come to the realization that the best chance for them to get out of their financial turmoil was to cross a line most would never dare... make a porno and sell it to their old high school classmates. So, the recruit a friend with some extra cash to fund cameras and costumes and hold auditions for other "actors" to fill out the cast of Star Whores (it's what you think it is). Nobody said that this would be an easy endeavor though, and consumating a 20-year friendship is bound to have interesting results. So let's see how well they fared...

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 101 minutes
Hardee-Har-Har - $1
It's a funny movie, as you would expect, but I have to admit that it wasn't as funny as I expected it to be. Don't take that as a sign that you shouldn't see it because if you like Seth Rogan or Kevin Smith then I definitely think you should... it just wasn't quite as funny as I was hoping based on the involvement of those two guys.

Acting - $1
Anybody that goes into this expecting Oscar-level acting should get up from the computer right now, get a tall glass of water and use it to take their crazy pills. But, considering the supporting cast's resumes I have to admit that it wasn't that crappy. So I will be generous here and give it a dollar.

Repeat Play - $0
This might be a little harsh, but I don't know how regularly I am going to watch this one. I've watched it twice since getting it but the main reason for the second viewing was that there was too much time between the original and this attempt at reviewing it. So, I had to put it on again to make sure I remembered everything. Unless someone I'm hanging out with wants to watch it, it will probably be a long time before it makes it into my player again. Sorry Kevin and Seth... better luck next time.

Hello Ladies - $1
Maybe its because I'm a "girl next door" kind of guy, but I can't give this one two bucks. Porn celebrities Traci Lords and Katie Morgan both have supporting roles, but at this point seeing Katie Morgan naked is on par with seeing Grimace on a Happy Meal box - sure it was cool at first, but by now nobody even notices. Elizabeth Banks is a lovely specimen, but its just not enough to get more than a dollar here.

Romantics - $1
Despite the strong sexual context of the title and plot, there is a love story underneath it all. Two life-long friends that have never been able to see each other as more suddenly realize how much they care about each other beyond the platonic sense. Being a card carrying member of the Friend Zone Hall of Fame myself, I couldn't help but relate... but I think we all know how unrealistic this is - beyond the whole "making a porn" thing too.
Total Rating: $4 (ouch)

Despite the low rating, Zack and Miri Make a Porno isn't really all that bad. Let me make a few suggestions though... don't watch this on a date, unless that date is with someone you've been seeing for a long time and you know for a fact that they won't find it weird or gross. I'm not telling you this from experience (thankfully) but more in a "man am I glad I didn't see this on a date" kind of way that I feel compelled to share. Don't say I didn't warn you. Oh, and there's also at least one penis shot here, just as a heads up. I forgot to warn people about that in the Forgetting Sarah Marshall review so I thought I would mention it here.

(Be warned that some parts of the trailer aren't really safe for work... depending on where you work, of course.)

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

2009-04-26T09:19:00.003-04:00

Forgetting Sarah Marshall spins a tale of love lost, broken hearts and the world's worst vacation. Peter Bretter has just been dumped by his celebrity super-hotty girlfriend of five years for another man. He's having a difficult time with the breakup and this is only made worse by the fact that his job is the composer for her hit TV show. To help clear his head and move on with his life, he goes to Hawaii only to find that Sarah (played by Kristen Bell by the way) is at the same hotel with her new British pop star boyfriend. Lucky for him, the lovely young lady at the front desk and several other members of the hotel staff are there to help him... and did I mention that the lovely young lady at the front desk is smokin hot? Between her hotness, the ragtag hotel staff and guests' kindness, and his step brothers words of wisdom, Peter slowly starts to move on despite the endless run-ins with Sarah and her horny Brit boy. Alrighty... on to the review.

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 112 minutes
Hardee-Har-Har - $2
This isn't one of those comedies that you will hear your coworkers quoting at the water cooler, but that's because the vast majority of the funny lines aren't appropriate for the workplace. And you know what? I love it! As I'm sitting here watching it for the second time I find myself laughing out loud... and probably looking like an idiot since I'm sitting by myself. But I don't care... it's funny!!

Repeat Play - $1
The only thing keeping this from getting a full $2 is the awkward moments. But they are a necessary part of the movie, so I can't fault it for that. Everyone has had their bad breakups and their awkward post-breakup moments (feel free to share yours in the comments section) so I'm sure we can all relate to the brutally constant ones here, but I have to say that I'm not always up for a movie filled with awkward.

Hello Ladies - $2
Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis... yup.

Romantics - $1
Since the whole basis of the movie is the pain and difficulty of break-ups I didn't really expect there to be much romance. And it isn't by any means a "romantic comedy". I'd be more comfortable calling it a "borderline inappropriate comedy laced with sexually-based jokes that happens to be romantic most likely by accident". Yeah... that sounds about right.

Billicious - $2
Dirty jokes, hot chicks and beautiful scenery... what's not to like?
Total Rating: $8

If the cast of this movie were a super hero team, I think they would be the West Coast Avengers (oh man... nobody is going to get that reference... sigh). There aren't really any big time players, but there are a lot of familiar faces you've seen around the top names. Paul Rudd, Russel Brand, Bill Hader, Jonah Hill and that weird guy from 30 Rock keep the laughs coming from start to finish and add enough different styles of humor that everyone should be able to enjoy at least part if this movie. Give it a go, and let me know what you think!

30 Days of Night

2009-01-31T20:56:00.003-05:00

30 Days of Night is another in the growing list of movies based on graphic novels. Since I'm sure most of my readers don't give a hoot about the comics, I will continue to just focus on the movie version. In 30 Days Josh Hartnett plays Sheriff Eben Oleson, the main policeman in a small Alaskan town. This particular town is subject every year to... uh-huh... 30 days of night - they are without sun for roughly a month straight based on their placement in Earth's rotation. (The More You Know!) Well this particular year things start getting a little weird with cell phones being stolen and sleigh dogs slaughtered. As night descends Eben arrests a stranger causing trouble in the local diner, and this stranger warns them (not with good intentions) of the coming trouble. That trouble makes it's presence known in a big way as a troup of vampires arive and begin the buffet. Eben and a small group do their best to hide out and fight for survival as the days go on and the unwelcome visitors paint the town red.

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 113 minutes
Death - $2
There is a group of vampires that don't have to worry about sunlight for a month in a town whose population has no way of leaving... hmmm... I think there's a couple pulses stopping. Come ON people!!

Critters & Creatures - $1
Vampires themselves don't really earn many points in this category, but the unique take on these creatures of the night in 30 Days gets them a dollar... and I was tempted to give more. They are very reminiscient of Nosferatu and I love the way they have their own language and how you can tell how each of them were turned at different times and in different parts of the world by the clothes they're wearing. A great take on a classic movie monster.

Repeat Play - $2
This is one that finds its way into my DVD player on a fairly regular basis. I can sit and watch it or throw it in while I'm running around the house doing laundry or pretending to clean. It's just a great scary / thriller / vampire movie and one that can be seen repeatedly without getting old.

Shock Value - $1
For the most part this is your standard human vs. vampire flick. There is a bit of a twist at the end, but I can't really say much here without giving it away. So, let's just leave it at the fact that it is a dollar twist not a two dollar twist.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
I hate to keep comparing this to other vampire movies, but it's hard not to. So with that in mind, there isn't really as much "action" as I had expected. There's still a decent bit but it is really more of a thriller than a big action film. I'm not complaining here, because it works well, but I can't in good conscience give it a full dos pesos.
Total Rating: $7

I know a lot of people that aren't big Josh Hartnett fans but I have to admit that I dig the guy. He's had some solid performances in leading and supporting roles and this one is one of my favorites. While I still have not read the graphic novel, I keep watching the movie and will one of these days have to pick up the trade paperback. Whether you read it or not or like comics or not, as long as you like a decent blood-sucking cinematic experience then do yourself a favor and get your hands (and eyes) on 30 Days of Night. Until next time...

Brotherhood of the Wolf

2009-01-31T15:41:00.003-05:00

"Brotherhood of the Wolf" is the translated title of the French film "Le Pacte des loups" which is set in 18th century France. A province in the countryside starts getting attacked by a mysterious wolf-like beast that the local authorities can't seem to track or kill. With no signs of the killings slowing down, the king sends in Gregoire de Fronsac and his American Indian compatiriot Mani to help solve the mystery. Stumbling into even more oddities than they anticipated, the two find themselves in the middle of conspiracies and secret organizations with questionable intentions and dubious methods. With Fronsac's knowledge of science and Mani's connection to nature they gradually unravel the mystery and discover that, for good or bad, not everyone is as they seem. Brotherhood of the Wolf stays true to its national origins with full French dialogue, but fortunately the DVD offers both subtitles and English voiceovers. Knowing I tend not to be a fan of foreign films, let's see how this one fares in the ratings...

Original Release: 2001
Running Time: 142 minutes
Death - $1
There is a fair amount, but it doesn't all happen on-screen. (Not necessarily a bad thing) The movie tries to keep the beast as mysterious to us the viewers as it is the French townsfolk for as long as possible, showing a couple of the attack scenes from the beasts perspective or with natural barriers hiding its form while still allowing us to see the fear in the victim's eyes. Getting back on track, the level of death in this movie is handled respectively and I commend them for that, even if they only get a dollar.

Critters & Creatures - $1
With the beast being the focal point of the film, I was curious what it would actually turn out to be in the end. I was very pleased with the build-up as well as the pay-off since they managed to maintain a slight level of plausibility (in terms of "movie" plausibility) without taking away from the "things that go bump in the night" level of fear that it induced.

Hello Ladies - $1
The first time I saw Brotherhood of the Wolf was years ago and at the time I had no idea who Monica Belucci was. Now,of course, I do and it was a pleasant surprise this time around. Maybe French films aren't so bad after all!

Shock Value - $1
There aren't too many movies that can throw a twist at the end without me seeing it coming. And even having previously seen the movie, it was still not completely obvious of everything that was coming at the end. A couple parts are wierd, but it still makes you pause for a second and think back to earlier part of the movie to realize that you should have seen it coming.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
There are some surprisingly good fight scenes in Brotherhood. It's one of those movie where everyone seems to know some form of martial arts but nobody really questions why. Fronsac and Mani both rumble with the French countryside version of bad asses, as well as with the beast itself. None of it is revolutionary, but it is definitely worthy of a dollar.
Total Rating: $5

Brotherhood of the Wolf definitely has something interesting about it, but I don't think it's for everyone. I like the period it is based in and the oddness of some of it, but I don't like the French dialogue. Similar to District B-13, you just lose something when you have to read what they are saying or if it is brutally clear that the voice is not coming from the person whose mouth is moving. Don't get me wrong though. I knew what I was doing when I recently reacquired the movie and I will definitely watch it again. I guess what I'm saying is that this is not one that I would recommend to everybody. Most of the movies I review here I will tell you that you should give it a try. I'm not going to force Brotherhood on you though. If you like what I had to say above (or the trailer below) then by all means test it out... but don't point any fingers at me if it doesn't wow you.

Shooter

2009-01-19T08:33:00.001-05:00

Mark Wahlberg once again shows the depth and range of his acting ability in 2007's Shooter - a drama (I guess) about Bob Lee Swagger, a U.S. military sniper who gets brought out of retirement in order to help the government prevent an assassination attempt on the president. Or so he thought! The painfully obvious twist is that he's been set up by quasi-secret goverment/military folks to take the fall for the assassination attempt on the President, which is actually a successful assassination on the true target - a visiting politician from some other country. Bob Lee (what a stupid name) manages to escape and finds himself in a game of cat and mouse as they try to track him down and he tries to seek revenge. Eventually gaining the trust and help of his ex-partner's widow and a young agent who doesn't trust the reports of his superiors, Swagger is able to make his move. Now, why don't we make our move on to the ratings...

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 124 minutes
Death - $1
The movie is called "Shooter", and I'm pretty sure I've seen just as much life ended in a Veggie Tales feature. Sure, the bad guys bite it here and there, but none of it is drastically more than you would get from an episode of The A-Team. It is in there though, so I can't justifiably give nothing here.

Acting - $0
It's a Mark Wahlberg film with Danny "I'm getting too old for this" Glover as the primary antagonist. I refuse to write any more details than that.

Repeat Play - $1
I can't explain why, but Shooter keeps finding its way back into the DVD player. I openly admit my penchant for less-than-quality movies, but I can't explain this one at all.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
Again, it's there but not in an impressive manner at all. A couple scenes in particular are what kept this from getting a zero, but I won't bother going into detail on them here.

Romantics - $0
Mark Wahlberg should never have a romantic interest in any of his films. It is just incredibly awkward to watch for some reason. It looks so forced and fake... like he took this girl to the prom just to make his ex-girlfriend jealous or something. (Editors Note - Bill had a lovely time at both of his proms and attended with the young ladies he was dating at each given time.) The only way to make a Wahlberg on-screen romance worse is to add some awkward plot element... like, perhaps that he is making a move on the widow of his deceased sniper partner. Come on man... some things are just off limits.
Total Rating: $3

I have to say that I didn't expect the rating to be this low when I started this review. I knew it wouldn't fall in the $7-8 range where a lot of these reviews seem to have landed, but I didn't think it would be this far low. Oh well... the numbers don't lie.

Also... you knew I was kidding with that "depth and range" comment at the very start, right? OK... good. If not, I would have been insulted. I will admit that I enjoy Marky-Mark Movie-Moves but I will also be the first one to tell you that he's not God's gift to cinema. He's not as bad as Keanaue, but... well... let's just say he's not as bad as Keanaue.

Shaun of the Dead

2009-01-19T08:31:00.004-05:00

Shaun of the Dead is Britain's comedic take on the recent zombie-flick popularity. We follow Shaun, a guy in his late 20's that really hasn't made solid efforts to progress in life with his work or his woman, as he fouls up for the last time and gets dumped pretty much just as a zombie virus starts to spread through the country. Valiant at heart, Shaun convinces his lewd best friend to help him on a rescue mission to save his mom and win back his girl Liz. Since this is a zombie movie, however, nothing is ever allowed to go as planned so they find themselves sneaking through town to seek sanctuary at the pub. Shaun must finally step up, take lead, and act like a man if he is going to keep his loved ones alive and survive himself. Simon Pegg leads the cast as Shaun and brings his ever-enjoyable humor to a genre that historically has taken itself too seriously. A fun blend of frights and delights, Shaun of the Dead is sure to please. Enough of that though... let's get on with the rating.

Original Release: 2004
Running Time: 99 minutes
Death - $1
There's a bit of death here... it is a zombie movie after all. But compared to other recent z-flicks that I have watched (and enjoyed) the numbers are relatively low. They traded in the skull-splitting for side-splitting laughs, and I would say it worked out for the best in the long run.

Hardee-Har-Har - $2
How'd you like that segue? Shaun of the Dead is a really funny movie. It has a bit of the more subtle ha-ha, but each of member of the motley crew with Shaun bring with them distinct reasons to laugh. It isn't going to have your beverage coming out of your nose, but I guarantee you will laugh in one way or another through most of the movie.

Repeat Play - $2
I could watch this movie once a week and still not get over it. In fact, I was baffled when I realized it had disappeared from my collection and I went directly to my local Best Buy (cough-cough-sponsor-me-cough) to pick up another copy and place it where it belonged in the stacks.

Romantics - $1
At the heart of the story, it's all about the guy winning back his girl. Despite the laughs and the flesh-eating undead, Shaun is doing everything to prove to Liz that she should give him another chance. Some of the other elements take away a little of the romantic feel but they still did a decent job.

Billicious - $2
I can't recall exactly where I came across this movie. I want to say that it was either my sister or one of my old coworkers, but whoever it was must have known me well enough to know that I would love SotD. It has zombies... it has humor... it has British accents... I love it! I don't really know what else to say, so I will just stop there.
Total Rating: $8

If you find yourself staying in with your favorite lad or lass and can't decide what to watch then go to the store and grab Shaun of the Dead. There is enough zombie gore to keep him happy, enough chivalry to keep her happy, and enough simple laughs to keep you both happy. Give it a try, and if you don't agree then I will give you a dollar. Seriously. If you can tell me that you tried this movie and legitimately did not enjoy it at all then I will pay you one American dollar. (Limited time offer. See store for details.)

300

2009-01-11T08:13:00.005-05:00

300 is the big screen adaptation of the graphic novel (or longer-than-normal comic book for those unaware) by the same name. Based on the infamous battle at Thermopylae in 480 B.C., 300 tells the tale of King Leonidas who defied the orders of his corrupt priests and takes 300 (number sound familiar?) of his soldiers to stand against Xerxes and his Persian horde, rather than bow to the "god-king" and acknowledge his rule over Sparta. Basically, what all that means is that we have a smaller group of guys fighting a much larger group of guys. All the while, Leonidas' queen fights on behalf of her king against the politicians who refuse to send the rest of the Spartan army to his aid. Directed by Zack Snyder, 300 maintains a strong connection to the unique visual styles of the graphic novel, helping it to stand out from largely violent dramas like Gladiator and Braveheart (both awesome). Now, let's get on to the ratings...

Original Release: 2006
Running Time: 117 minutes

Death - $2
I would like to directly quote the definition of a full two-dollar rating here. Ahem... "Holy crap, that was NUTS!" 300 Spartans fight for days against a nonstop flow of Persian warriors... demon ninjas, spiked-up elephants and pre-christ grenades all came and fell. Bodies drop left and right here so I would be a fool to say this didn't get the highest possible rating.

Effects & Animation - $1
I was very torn on how to rate this one. The vast majority of the movie is shot with green-screen and tons of special effects were used to create the attacking armies, fountains of blood, and overall stylized look of the movie. The effects were incredible and did exactly what they were intended to, BUT it didn't look real. And I know, I know... it wasn't really supposed to look "real" but I have to go with my gut here.

Critters & Creatures - $1
I might be rating a little harshly here too, but I am sticking with a dollar. There are a slew of odd characters and beasts in the movie, most of which tag along with Xerxes. I can still very vividly see that creepy egg-shaped guy with the big blades on his forearms that decapitated one of Xerxes' generals. However, as far as I know (and please feel free to correct me if I am ever wrong here at Ten Dollar Reviews) these were all part of the graphic novel as well. It may be unfair to hold a dollar back simply because they were true to the comic - and I respect the hell out of the fact that they were - but the movie itself shouldn't be able to take full credit in my eyes. And this is all being written through my eyes, so there you go.

Nerd Factor - $2
I felt like the Fonz when I saw this movie in the theaters. I've also read a lot about the making of the movie and the reactions that it recieved so I will gladly give it dos dolares for the anticipation and the follow-through with those of the geekly persuasion.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
Lots and lots and lots of fights. The Spartans can kick some ass and the quantity and variety of ass that gets kicked in 300 is astounding. There are some truly brutal and graphic battle scenes with blades slicing and arrows flying all over the place. It should not come as a surprise that a movie about a major moment of military history has more than a few punches thrown.

Total Rating: $8

I actually saw this in the theaters first, at one of those pre-screenings that you can get tickets to from local media outlets. If you know much about me, then you probably know I'm a bit of a nerd. So let me just say that I felt like the freakin prom king in that theater! I was the coolest guy in the room by far, and I mean this by normal human standards - not "who has the best Boba Fett costume" standards. Don't let that impact your thoughts on the movie though... nerds and normies alike have all been known to thoroughly enjoy the action and distinct look of 300. If you haven't managed to see it yet, then I would defintiely recommend giving it a try.

Also, I feel like I should make this clear for my lady readers (ok... "reader"... hi mom!) in case the poster image above wasn't clear. The Spartans don't wear a lot of clothes and work out enough to make Ahnold jealous these days. They're kind of like He-Man, sans the confused sexuality.

Hamlet 2

2009-01-03T18:05:00.005-05:00

Hamlet 2 is a story about a high school theater teacher in Tucson, Arizona who isn't quite where he'd hoped to be in life (aside from Tuscon). After lackluster results from an attempted acting career, Dana (portrayed by Steve Coogan) finds himself in this arid town teaching a failing theater course and living with his humorously alcoholic wife (played by Catherine Keener) and their roommate-out-of-necessity (yes, that is David Arquette and yes, I also thought he was dead). School funding issues flood his class with a slew of not-typical-theater students whose regular elective classes have been canceled. Amidst his struggle to help them find the passion for theater Dana finds that his class too will soon be canceled. The solution? Why, to write his own original play and turn it into the greatest theatrical performance ever to grace an Arizonian stage of course! That's brings us to the films title - and that of his new play - Hamlet 2. Yeah. It involves Jesus, a time machine, and greasers... so don't say you weren't warned. That should do it for now, so let's get on with the ratings...

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 92 minutes
Hardee-Har-Har - $1
It's funny... it is. It's just not crazy-memorable funny. The concept is funny... the dialogues is funny... the actors are funny... just not SUPER funny. I laughed while watching it, but didn't have that continued laughter that you get for the first couple hours after some movies.

Acting - $1
Everybody did pretty well here... but again, none of it really knocked my socks off. Alcoholic and bitchy Catherine Keener was pretty awesome, but not enough to carry the rest of the ensemble up to the two dollar mark.

Repeat Play - $1
I'm going to watch it again... I know that now. I don't see myself watching it on a monthly basis, but I can rest assured that this will be gracing my DVD player with its presence again relatively soon. I know I say this somewhat often, but this is also one of those movies that I like to watch with other people since it has not been widely seen. If you're interested in a viewing, then feel free to let me know.

Hello Ladies - $0
I have a soft-spot for Catherine Keener... I've admitted that here before. And of course there is Elizabeth Shue, but both of these ladies are in pretty minimal characters (with Elizabeth actually playing herself). Most of the other female roles are young enough for me to not consider them ratable. Sorry ladies, but you've been disqualified. See me in 4 years... or at least when you are in a role that doesn't place you in high school. This boy's got standards and morals (despite popular opinion).

Billicious - $2
Hamlet 2 is a perfect example of why I have this category. I liked the movie... a lot. I talked to people about it at work first thing Monday morning. As I stated above, it was funny and I will be watching it again... despite the low rating I REALLY liked the movie! I swear! So this is my opportunity to pad the numbers a little bit and give a good movie a better rating than it would get otherwise.
Total Rating: $5

Looking for a few laughs with familiar faces during an absurdly delightful film? Then give Hamlet 2 a try. High school theater kids, jocks and delinquents alike will all be able to relate with the quirky characters that managed to find their way into every high school. If you were home schooled... well... then you probably have bigger social-skill issues than whether or not you can enjoy a film that wasn't crammed down your throat with the same comedic actors and jokes that you see every time you walk into the cineplex. Before even getting this one posted I received notes from people that loved Hamlet 2, so if you won't take my word then take theirs. That's all for now!

Death Race

2008-12-28T18:17:00.003-05:00

Death Race is a remake (sort of) of the cult classic Death Race 2000. David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone have been replaced in the new version with Jason Statham and Tyrese Gibson respectively (sort of). They needed to make a few (well... many) changes to modernize the story. While the original was a cross-country car race set in the futuristic year of 2000 where killing pedestrians scored points, the latest take has the Death Race as a televised game in the not-too-distant future that pits convict against convict in an effort to gain profits for the jailors and give the prisoners a means to earn their release (sort of). Statham plays a former professional racecar driver who is framed for the murder of his wife and is asked to take on the persona of Frankenstein - the most popular driver in Death Race - while in prison. Finding that the warden, guards and even some of the prisoners are involved in his misfortunes, Statham does what you would expect... kicks ass and takes names... except this time he has a car that is super-rigged for the purpose of killing some folks. If you need a second to let all that soak in, I understand. I'll just move on with the ratings and you can catch up when you are ready.

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 105 minutes
Death - $2
It's called Death Race and stars Jason Statham. Moving on...

Hello Ladies - $1
Each of the drivers (sort of) is joined by a female navigator that gets bused in from the nearby ladies' penitentiary. And since this is Hollywood, every single one of them is hot and not wearing anything close to standard-issue prison garb. There aren't any "scenes" but you get some eye candy amidst the gas and gore, so that's at least something.

Nerd Factor - $1
There are a few nerds out there that will be familiar with the original and geek-out for this one. While I am one of those nerds, I also know that there aren't too many others out there. Also, while some of the names from the original were maintained, a lot of the other details were changed and not all for the best.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
It's called Death Race and stars Jason Statham. Moving on...

Billicious - $1
This one has some special meaning to me. Back in college Maxim named Death Race 2000 (the original) as the number one b-movie of all time. So, naturally, my roommates and I went out and bought multiple copies of it. Some college dorms had porn regularly on the TV, but our room had movies... and most of them bad... and this was their king. Since I still live with one of my friends from college (he's a very very patient guy) I had no choice but to pick this up and make sure it had a home in the house. It didn't hold up to the original completely, but I still have a soft spot for it. Besides, it is called Death Race and stars Jason Statham.
Total Rating: $7

Do you like car races? Do you like machine guns and explosions? Do you like Jason Statham? If you said yes to ANY of these, then I recommend giving Death Race a try. It is pretty much everything you would expect from the trailor... violent, gory and fast paced. And sometimes, that's exactly what you're in the mood for. Or is that just me?

Inside Man

2008-12-27T15:53:00.006-05:00

Inside Man takes Clive Owen, Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster and Willem Defoe and mixes them all together for a pleasantly confusing bank robbery flick. This Spike Lee Joint begins with Mr. Owen introducing himself as the coldly brilliant culprit and setting the general stage. Denzel plays the lead police negotiator involved in the case, with Defoe as the tactical lead and Foster as a mysterious mademoiselle who uses friends in high places to get involved with the negotiations in order to help other friends in high places. The presence of Foster and the odd behavior of Owen keep Denzel on his toes and keeps him digging to figure out what is really going on with all of the parties involved... in the bank and out. To avoid giving away too much I will keep the details minimal here, but I have to say that the intertwining of witness/hostage interviews was a nice method of telling the story without keeping you inside the bank for an hour and a half. It's also nice to have more attention given to those folks that are victims and volunteers alike. I guess I will end it there... let's proceed, shall we?

Original Release: 2006
Running Time: 129 minutes
Acting - $2
Do me a favor and scroll back up a little bit to see the names of the folks in this movie. It's ok... I can wait.
Back? Good. And do you still need more explanation for why I am giving a full score for this category? If so, then you have probably not seen many movies in the last 15 years and I pity you for that.

Repeat Play - $1
When I want to watch a movie that is fun and chill, but still makes my brain work a little bit, I throw in Inside Man. I'd say I probably watch it once a quarter between my own interests, my roommate's enjoyment of it, and my sharing it with folks that haven't seen it before. I don't really have anything bad to say about the movie and would probably watch it even more if I didn't have such a large selection at my disposal.

Pump up the Jams - $1
There are some decent tunes in Inside Man and the opening track is quite catchy... BUT it's a bit overused so I'm leaving them with only a buck here. Maybe it's because I'm a softy for Bollywood style tunes, but I like the track and others that were used as well.

Shock Value - $1
This is definitely not your standard bank heist. Through the course of the movie they keep you wondering just what the real target in the vault is, and just how Owen's character is going to get out... even with him repeatedly saying that he would walk right out the front door when he was good and ready. A hefty mind game is played between Owen and Washington, and it's a fun one to try to follow.

Billicious - $2
I love this movie. I do. Some of the rankings above were hard and may not make it look like I'm a very big fan at all, but I just love it. It's different, it's intriguing and it flew a bit under the radar I believe.
Total Rating: $7

Whether you are sitting in your home or your office (or your home office for you lucky - or possibly agoraphobic - readers) I want you to either get up and go to your local video rental or sales location (I recommend Best Buy cough-cough-sponsor-me-cough), or visit whatever websites you may know of that will let you watch movies online in a less-than-legal manner and WATCH THIS MOVIE. Seriously folks. A lot of the movies I watch, I do so in order to make sure you don't have to. This is one that you need to make sure you see. Why are you still reading this... GO!!!

The Dark Knight

2008-12-20T14:29:00.003-05:00

Director Chris Nolan made comic-book movies right again with Batman Begins - 2005's reinvention in the Batman movie franchise, completely ignoring all previous attempts. After receiving plenty of critical and nerd acclaim, they went for round two and stepped it up in ways unimaginable with The Dark Knight. Christian Bale, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman return as Bruce Wayne, Alfred and Lucious Fox respectively and are joined by Heath Ledger as the Joker, Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent, and with Maggie Gyllenhaal replacing the leading lady role previously held by Katie Holmes (proof that the Lord is indeed merciful). Dark Knight brings us back to Gotham, but the city has changed. The caped crusader has inspired citizen and criminal alike and has to deal with as many copycat vigilantes as he does stereotypical baddies. One man comes in to break those stereotypes though and bring the criminal underworld up to a level that can compete with the mysterious Batman. The Joker unleashes a series of murders and attacks that show the public and the mob what he is capable of. The battle grows in intensity and becomes more personal as friends and loved ones are brought into the mix... with devastating results. A cinematic maze of twists and turns keeps your eyes unblinking through all of The Dark Knight, so I suggest having some eye drops ready when you watch. On to the ratings...

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 153 minutes
Acting - $2
I truly miss Heath Ledger. Forget "A Knights Tale", "10 Things I Hate About You" and "Brokeback Mountain"... this is the role he will forever be known for. There were a lot of skeptics when he was first announced for the role but he powned the pants off all doubters. His twisted interpretation of Batman's most infamous antagonist left comic fans and the general public alike with their jaws on the floor and a newfound fear for pencils. Dark Knight's addition of Ledger, Gyllenhaal and Eckhart to the already proven Bale, Caine, Freeman and Oldman proves to be an unstoppable acting force.

Effects & Animation - $1
This is the one thing that sort of bothered me just a little... some of the effects. I liked the Batpod and thought it made some sense as being part of the Tumbler technology, but the one scene where he kind of rides it up a wall to turn around just got to me. It looked stupid. I also wasn't a big fan of the "sonar" tech used, feeling it was a little too outlandish and too closely resembled some of the silly gadgets of the earlier Batman movies. The effects for the explosions and the makeup for Joker and Two Face were both great, but a couple snafu's is all it takes to lose full ratings.

Repeat Play - $2
Even clocking in at two and a half hours, Dark Knight leaves you wanting more. When I saw it in the theater I wanted to turn around and buy another ticket, and when I watched it on DVD I very nearly put it back in again 20 minutes later. I'm writing this the next day and as I see the case on the table in front of me, I am very strongly considering watching it right now. Friggin love this movie.

Nerd Factor - $2
Attention Hollywood... THIS is how you make a f*cking comic book movie. It's brutally realistic and not campy at all. This is the Joker that fan-boys have been wanting to see for years... psychotic, evil and as he says himself "an agent of chaos". We're also treated to the lengthy roller-coaster transition of Harvey Dent to the coin-flipping Two Face. Come on people... this is the ultimate Batman movie and nerds shall forever sing its praise.

Billicious - $2
The trailers for TDK had me drooling on my keyboard for months and I was still completely blown away when I saw the full film. I thought I knew what was coming but nothing could have prepared me for the level of awesome I was about to watch. It's dark and brutal and everything it should be. I friggin love it!
Total Rating: $9

In lieu of writing a lengthy exit blurb, I am going to go watch the movie again. You should do the same!! The Christmas holiday is coming up, so be prepared for plenty of new reviews and additions to the collection... I think I'm getting some Best Buy (sponsorship opportunities are still available) gift cards that I'm sure will be entirely spent on DVD's. Sweet.

Just Friends

2008-12-14T21:02:00.003-05:00

Just Friends is a comedic romance (as opposed to the standard "romantic comedy") starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart as two childhood friends that never quite became more despite his desires. After an epic embarrassment at their high school graduation party, Chris Brander (that's Reynolds' character) leaves town with no plan of coming back, goes off to college and apparently gets a job on the west coast in the entertainment business... or "the biz" for short. A freak travel accident finds him back home for the first time in years and he bumps into various characters from his past, including Smart's Jamie Palamino. The thinner, less awkward and more lady-savvy Chris feels the need to impress his high school love and keep the psychotic pop-star stuck in Jersey with him under control. Having to deal with family and all of the other fun elements of being back in a small town after not living there for years sets him up for all of the (what I consider standard) awkward conversations and run-ins. I'll leave it at that though and get on with the ratings...

Original Release: 2005
Running Time: 96 minutes
Hardee-Har-Har - $1
I enjoy Ryan Reynolds... his comedic timing and delivery are generally spot on and this is no exception. He plays both versions of Chris Brander (fat and nerdy versus rico suave) very well. Besides Reynolds and Anna Faris (who plays pop-star Samantha James) though, there isn't much in the way of comedic gold. Other folks are funny, but these two deliver the vast majority of the ha-ha.

Repeat Play - $1
Just Friends is a good random filler movie. It's fun, it's funny and just about anyone can enjoy it. My friends that have seen it are usually willing to see it again, and those that haven't generally want to after I tell them a little about it. It doesn't leap off my shelf, but it also doesn't collect as much dust as some of the others.

Hello Ladies - $1
Amy Smart is an attractive young lady. That is not in question at all. I do have to say though that I think Anna Faris is hotter in my eyes. It shouldn't be in question that she's easy on the eyes, but being the funniest young female in recent cinema puts her up a few notches in my book. OK... so she does the Scary Movie flicks and that's nothing to write home about... but she's still funny folks. Tell me I'm wrong.

Romantics - $1
It isn't extremely romantic but the idea of going after one's high school crush has a certain sense of "awwww". I made a point earlier to call this a "comedic romance" instead of a "romantic comedy" because the humor is what takes the driver's seat here. The core of the movie is about Chris's quest to gain the affections of his high school crush and that is at least remotely romantic, right?

Billicious - $2
I tend to enjoy the Reynolds comedies... Just Friends, Waiting, Van Wilder... but this one is extra special because a lot of people say this was made about me. Let me elaborate... I wasn't fat in high school (I was actually 30 pounds lighter and I'm still fairly thin) but apparently I am known for the friend zone. Whether I try to or not, the "nice guy" thing gets me out of the dating or make-out pool quicker than the Flash makes it to the bathroom after eating Taco Bell and drinking a caramel machiato.
Total Rating: $6

I saw Just Friends in the theaters with a few of my own friends and we were not ten feet from the front door before everyone with me chimed in that we had pretty much just seen "The Bill Story: Ten Dollars with Change Back" on the silver screen. It's a fun movie if you are or if you know the guy stuck in the "friend zone" and pretty much everybody is one or the other. Whether you agree that I'm Chris or not, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the movie so feel free to let me know. Until next time, remember... no day dates!

Wanted

2008-12-14T14:53:00.002-05:00

Wanted is an action flick based on an indy comic by the same name. The story focuses on a young disgruntled office worker named Wesley (played by James MacAvoy) who hates his life and his job to the point that he has to constantly medicate to fight panic attacks. His fat boss takes her high school self esteem issues out on him, his girlfriend constantly pesters and complains, and his coworker and supposed best friend is actually banging said girlfriend. He's broke and miserable until Fox (that would be the lovely Angelina Jolie) comes into his life and tells him that he's destined to join The Fraternity, a thousand-year-old guild of assassins. As far fetched as this would seem to anyone, Wesley is a little more easily convinced by the near-immediate shoot out that occurs and the whirlwind of action that follows. Told that the mysterious man involved the in the aforementioned shoot out killed his father, Welsey trains for his "destined" mission... to kill the deadliest assassin alive. I know it may seem like I just told you a lot of the plot, but trust me when I say there is a LOT more to it than that. So... let's review, shall we?

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 110 minutes
Death - $2
You read the part above about the guild of assassins, right? OK... and what do assassins do? That's right... they kill people. When people are killed it means they become dead, and "dead" is a word used to describe the state of being for living things that have experienced death. In summation, there is a shit-load of death.

Acting - $1
I think this might have been my first James MacAvoy movie and I have to say that I believe the hype. He was good! He managed to pull off the distraught young man and the ass-kicking action guy at the same time. I also really like Common here... I am quickly becoming a fan of him as an actor. Beyond these two, nobody really wowed me. Morgan Freeman and Angelina both did as well as one would anticipate but they didn't steal the movie at all (and I think that was intentional). Nobody did a poor job, but the action definitely outdid the acting... not that there's anything wrong with that.

Hello Ladies - $1
Sorry folks, but it takes more than Angelina Jolie for me to give two dollars here. Yes, I know you see her bare ass... and yes, it was glorious... but that's about all there was. Wesley's girlfriend was attractive but nothing memorable, and as tempted as I am I'm not even going to make a joke about his fat boss.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
I'm beginning to think that it may not be fair to use both the Death and Action ratings in the same review for movies. Where there is a ton of death it is pretty safe to assume that there is a ton of action. It's not always the case, but definitely more often than not. Anyway, as I'm sure you guessed, there is in fact a ton of action here. Between various chase scenes, assassination scenes and Wesley's training scenes it feels like someone is getting punched, shot or stabbed in one out of every three frames of the film. And that is a good thing. Yay violence!! Also, I will never look at ergonomic keyboards the same way. (You'll have to watch it to get that.)

Billicious - $1
I didn't really expect much going into this one since I heard pretty mixed reviews but I have to say that it was a darn good action flick. Interesting concept and a solid mix of acting talent make Wanted a good ride, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little bit of a connection to the Wesley character and his initial desire for something more in life
Total Rating: $7

I need to make a correction for one of my comments above. This was not actually my first James MacAvoy movie... he played Mr. Tumnus in the Chronicles of Narnia movie. And that, kids, is what we call "moving up in the world". I don't think I have anything else to add, so I'll just end it here. As always, feel free to share your thoughts!

The Cat in the Hat

2008-12-08T20:15:00.007-05:00

The Cat in the Hat is one of Hollywood's two attempts at live-action recreations of Dr. Seuss classics (the other being The Grinch and even I won't own that crap factory). Here we find Mike Meyers, already known for a slew of wacky characters, taking on the role of the Cat. The movie stays true to the general idea of the book... two kids are at home and a giant cat wearing a giant hat appears to help them have fun. In the movie version, the kids are at home with a babysitter while their mother (played by uber-milf Kelly Preston) is at work and they are instructed to make sure they house is in pristine condition for the company party she is hosting that evening. The son is your typical mayhem-machine known for breaking every rule he's given, while the daughter (played by Dakota Phanning) is the goody-two-shoes that asks for more rules just so she can follow them. Once the Cat joins the picture he takes them on an odd adventure doing as much accidental harm as intentional help. Not helping matters is their sleazy neighbor - and their mother's boyfriend - trying to do everything in his power to get the kids out of his way. Oh, and he's Alec Baldwin. It wouldn't be The Cat in the Hat without other classic characters like the talking goldfish and Thing 1 and Thing 2, so they all have relevant and entertaining involvement. I guess that is good enough for now, so let's get on with the reviews...

Original Release: 2003
Running Time: 82 minutes
For Ages 5 and Up - $2
The point of this category is to determine whether a "kids" movie is going to be enjoyable only for kids... and that is definitely not the case here folks. Man oh man, I'd say they even go a little far here. There's a "dirty hoe" joke with a garden tool! Kids don't get jokes like those (or at least they shouldn't... damn kids these days) but the adults that sat through this at the theater were probably very grateful. I think there are more jokes here for the adults than the kids, but enough bright colors and silly antics to make even the young ones ignorantly happy.

Hardee-Har-Har - $2
I'm sorry... but it's funny. I know a lot of people don't want to admit that this is a humorous movie but it is. So get over yourself! I am still chuckling over the "chocolate thundah" line people. If you don't trust me then watch it for yourself and try to tell me I'm wrong. I don't know what else to tell you here... so I'll just move on.

Acting - $1
Nobody was taking this one too seriously, but I don't think they were supposed to be either. It's decent considering the talent they have but nobody really flexed their thespius maximus (that's the acting muscle you hear a lot about). It looks like everyone did what they needed to do and just had fun making the film, which isn't bad but it won't get you dos pesos either.

Critters & Creatures - $1
There isn't really an abundance here, but I liked the ones they had. The Cat himself is an interesting creature, as are the standard Suess-ish Thing 1 and Thing 2. The talking goldfish is all well and good too, but they didn't push it much further at all. So if for nostalgia alone I'll give a dollar here.

Repeat Play - $1
This is sort of a guilty pleasure movie. It's not one that I would suggest as a viewing option to a lovely young lady, but I will definitely throw it in when I'm trying to take a nap or trying to do things around the house. It's what I consider a good ironing movie... easy to enjoy even if I don't have my eyes on the screen.
Total Rating: $7

The first time I saw Cat in the Hat it was late morning or early afternoon on a Saturday while my body was still pumping with Miller Lite from the night before. There was nothing better on regular TV or any of the HBO channels so I put this on mid-stream with the hopes that I would just pass out on the couch. I managed to stay awake and was pleasantly surprised by how funny and just plain fun this movie was. In fact, it was entertaining enough to watch again the whole way through the next day. This is one of the movies that's in the back of my mind so when I saw it on super-sale at Best Buy (still hoping for kick-backs) I just had to pick it up. If you get a chance, I definitely think you should give it a try... and let me know what you think of course!

Underworld

2008-12-07T18:56:00.005-05:00

The 2000's seem to be one of the top decades for vampires, werewolves and zombies in cinema. Underworld takes the first two groups here and pits them against each other in a centuries long war of the night. The vampires are the usual elegant class with mansions and gowns... and Death Dealers. Death Dealers are the militant members of the vampire world that spend their nights hunting down the likens (what they call werewolves). The likens are thought to be near extinction until the vampire vixen Selene (played by Kate Beckinsale) stumbles on a den living below the city that are somehow connected to a mysterious plot intertwining key members for both groups with hidden motives and alliances. At the center of this plot is a young human named Michael (reported dreamboat Scott Speedman) that the likens are trying to capture and Selene is now trying to protect. The longer the movie goes the thicker the plot gets and the bigger the betrayals become. Eventually, everyone is forced to chose a side and the battle gets brutal. Without further ado, let's review...

Original Release: 2003
Running Time: 121 minutes
Effects & Animation - $1
The special effects in Underworld are alright, but they didn't blow me away. The werewolf transformation was not as bad as a Sci-Fi Channel made-for-TV movie, but it didn't make me believe the man-dogs existed either. The best bit (and the one that the movie is partially known for) is Selene's leap from a building top to the sidewalk below with the graceful landing and the walk full of intent.

Critters & Creatures - $1
The likens/werewolves were alright here but were not tearing vamps apart as much as they could have. The vampires also do very little that would be considered vampy... at times feeling more "Matrix" than "mythical creature". They were both there, but not in a socks knocking way so I'll leave it at a buck.

Repeat Play - $2
I might need to get a second copy just to be safe... I watch this one a lot. Seriously. This is one of my top picks to have in the background or to throw in when I'm trying to take a nap. I've seen it enough that if I leave the room or fall asleep I'm not missing anything, but if I do keep my eyes on the screen I know I'm going to like what I see.

Hello Ladies - $2
I can't even count the number of illegal and deplorable things I would do to have a chance with Kate Beckinsale. She is smoking hot with a British accent and once in an interview referred to her nipples as "little puppies' noses". And don't you dare forget the sultry Sophia Myles... yowza!!

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
The movie is about a war between werewolves and vampires... yeah. There are at least a few instances of fisticuffs. Come on people... there are guns and swords and claws and fangs, and they are all abundantly used. Love it.
Total Rating: $8

Underworld caught some flack when it came out for having too many resemblances to other big action movies... mostly The Matrix. But it still stood out enough on its own to be quite successful and lead to two sequels - the second coming to theaters soon, sadly without Beckinsale. It's dark and its a little violent, but it is a fun time dang it so get out there and give it a look!

Tropic Thunder

2008-12-07T17:50:00.005-05:00

Tropic Thunder is a pretty interesting comedy concept... it's a movie about the making of another movie, with some of today's well-known actors playing the roles of stereotypical actors. Ben Stiller is the over-exposed action star whose popularity is fading... Robert Downey Jr. is the award-winning thespian from down under... and Jack Black is the comedian known mostly for fart jokes and incidentally hooked on drugs. Together with the rap-star-turned-actor and the young wanna-be actor, they are in the process of making a Vietnam War film telling a tale of tragedy and survival. When things seem to be falling apart quickly and the director is threatened to be removed from the film, he takes the advice of the veteran about whom the movie was based and puts the actors "in the shit" to get them motivated. With the help of hidden cameras and their pyrotechnics coordinator, the five actors are dropped in the middle of the Vietnamese jungle and "the shit" hits the metaphorical fan pretty quick. Tempers flare and drug-runners come into play to keep things interesting as their fictional war in the jungle turns into a real struggle for survival. I think that about sums it up, so let's get on to what matters...

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 107 minutes
Hardee-Har-Har - $2
It's just funny people. It isn't in-your-face funny or entirely over-the-top funny... but just darn funny. When I wasn't laughing out loud, I was laughing on the inside. You get what you expect from Stiller, Downey Jr., and Black... but get more than your money's worth from some of the unexpected additions to the cast.

Acting - $1
Actors playing actors was fun to watch. You almost have to wonder how they research these roles or try to get into character... do they just call up their friends?? I'm sure Downey gave Black a tip or two on how to be coming down cold turkey. It was definitely done in a way that they were able to make fun of themselves and their compatriots, but I honestly think it was done well. Downey's split between the "actual" voice and persona of the Australian actor and the African-American soldier he went through surgery to become was brilliant. In the end though, it is a comedy and was not taken seriously throughout... nor should it have been.

Pump up the Jams - $1
Tropic Thunder had a pretty sweet soundtrack! With most movies you don't even really notice the music, and when you do you don't necessarily care. Several times while watching T.T. though, I found myself thinking "man, I love this song". It's a pretty eclectic mix of rap, techno and rock but it works quite well.

Shock Value - $1
The vast majority of this movie is pretty expected... what I DIDN'T see coming was the unbelievable supporting cast and cameos. Tom Cruise was on the screen for a good 5 minutes before I realized it was him. And he's not alone. I felt like every time I turned around there was another actor (big or small) that I didn't know was going to be in it.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
It's a movie about the making of a war movie... so yeah, there's a little bit of action here. I'm not giving it the maximum score though because of it was fake movie action and the other half wasn't incredible impressive. I mean... none of these guys are known for putting on a good fight scene, so I thankfully wasn't expecting much in that way. There's definitely a lot of shooting though and some nifty 'splosions so I'd be remiss not to give a dollar.
Total Rating: $6

I probably would have seen this eventually, but definitely wouldn't have picked it up so soon if a chica I know hadn't spoken so highly about it. And for that, I thank her. I really enjoyed watching Tropic Thunder and look forward to an upcoming Saturday morning when my roommate and I are likely hungover on the couch and I make him watch it too. I might even let his girlfriend join... maybe.

Casino Royale

2008-11-30T19:30:00.003-05:00

With the latest Bond out in theaters right now, I couldn't help but throw Casino Royale in the ol' DVD playing thingamabob. God I love this movie. OK... well... if you need an introduction on who James Bond is and what a typical Bond flick entails then please get off this site right now and give yourself 50 lashes. This is the first film with Daniel Craig as 007, but not the first go at a Casino Royale movie. The first was released in 1967 and had big names like Woody Allen, Peter Sellers and Orson Welles. I haven't seen that one though, so we'll focus on the latest release. Here we see Bond on his very first mission as he earns his double-0 status and sets off to track down the man behind international terrorism funding. Successfully putting a halt to a ploy that would have helped keep money in the baddies' banks, the main antagonist sets up a high stakes poker game to make the money back. Bond and a conveniently-sexy representative from the British mint head to Montenegro with the $10 million buy-in and do a variety of spy stuff. I think I've rambled enough, so let's go ahead and review...

Original Release: 2006
Running Time: 144 minutes (make sure you pee before you sit down)
Death - $2
Shootings... stabbings... chokings... yeah, there's some death. MI6 agents earn their double-0 status by getting two kills under their belt and are expected to complete their missions no matter what means are necessary. Bond being the baddest ass of the Brits, you can only expect that he'll flat line at least a few folks that cross his path.

Acting - $2
Without a doubt the best acted Bond movie ever. There was always a degree of cheesiness with the others that - while fun - kept me from being able to take them too seriously. Well this new take on Bond is much different... it feels more legit and a big part of that is the brilliant acting across the board.

Repeat Play - $2
I can watch this over and over. It's what Bond was always meant to be... hot action, hot cars and hot babes... BUT NOT CAMPY! I've thrown this in about a half-dozen times since I got it and I will definitely be watching it again. Yay Bond!

Hello Ladies - $2
Ummm... it's a Bond film. You know... the kind that is known for "Bond girls"? Yeah? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I thought you might. I've heard some debate that the ladies were not up to par in this go but to them I say "shut your face hole"! The bimbo that he nails about half way through was your typical curvy slutty Bond chick, but I had a fine time watching Eva Green strut her English arse across the screen. Also, as most people that know me are already aware, I am a huge sucker for a British accent... boing!

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
All that aforementioned death doesn't happen on its own people! Add to that all of the non-fatal action and Bill's a happy boy. The chase scene towards the beginning of the movie is pretty awesome on its own but it keeps going strong all the way through to the end
Total Rating: $10

Daniel Craig the Bond for my generation. Sellers, Connery and crew were all great for their time but we needed a more believably bad ass 007 and we have him. I could not be happier and will definitely be heading to the theaters soon to check out Quantum of Solace. I know Bond has a bit of a following (to say the least) so feel free to share your thoughts.

3:10 to Yuma

2008-11-30T15:51:00.004-05:00

Fifty years after the original, this remake of the western classic 3:10 to Yuma hit theaters. Christian Bale plays a humble rancher by the name of Dan Evans struggling to get by as his land is likely to be taken from him to make way for the railroad. While out rounding up his scattered herd Dan and his sons stumble upon a stage coach robbery perpetrated by Ben Wade, an outlaw with a ruthless reputation, and his gang. Wade manages to get captured in the next town and a posse is put together to bring him to the not-so-nearby train station to be put on the... have you guessed it?... 3:10 to Yuma ("Yuma" being a wild west prison of some sort). Dan offers to partake in this posse in exchange for the money he needs to keep his farm, and the adventure continues as Wade's gang come after them to free their fearless leader.

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 122 minutes
Death - $1
Don't get me wrong here... there is a good amount of death. But, there's also a lot of movie time without death. They dedicate the time necessary to have a good story with great acting, but the body count suffers a bit because of that. If I were to give quarter-level ratings here Yuma would easily earn closer to two bucks than the one it is getting but I just can't get myself to round up and give them a full score.

Acting - $2
Bale and Crowe deliver as you would expect here and that is definitely worth high marks. The ace in the hole, however, is Ben Foster. Playing the second in command of Wade's gang - and therefore the one leading the rescue efforts - Foster pulls off the hardcore killer cowboy with a special psycho style that steals the movie.

Repeat Play - $1
I don't watch a lot of westerns (and I think this is one of only two that I own) because they are generally either way too campy or try to take themselves a too seriously even though they are hyper-Hollywooded ("Hollywoodized"?). Yuma is a pretty good cowboy flick though and one that I can watch multiple times whether I give it undivided attention or throw it in while ironing or taking a nap.

Shock Value - $1
There's a little bit of a somewhat unexpected bit at the end but I have to say that I sort of saw it coming. I won't say more so as not to ruin anything... so I guess that's that. Moving on...

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
Much like the "Death" category above, there was a decent amount of action but not an abundance. I think there was enough action here though - if only for the heist and the final shootout - to earn a couple bucks. Maybe I am making up for the average rating up top, but what the hell... this is my freakin blog so I will do what I want when I want.
Total Rating: $7

Not having seen the original, I can't really say how this remake compares in terms of story or all-around quality. But the second go for this film is definitely worth the watch in my eyes. Also, I just had a thought. Like I said before, I think I only own two "westerns" and they both have Russel Crowe as one of the main characters. Does that seem odd to anyone else? I think I might have to go buy Young Guns to put an end to this little statistic. While I'm doing that, feel free to leave a comment!

Revolver

2008-11-30T15:38:00.004-05:00

Revolver is a Guy Ritchie film that I somehow was oblivious to until I saw it on the sale list at Best Buy a couple weeks ago (not a bad way to spend $3.99). As you might expect, Jason "I'm the freaking man" Statham has a role in the film, and a hefty one this go around. He plays "Mr. Green" - and no this isn't Ritchie's take on Clue - who has just spent seven years in prison and is looking to climb his way up now that he's out. Having learned a few tricks from the chess master and con man that his cell sat between, Mr. Green finds himself stuck in a twisted series of criminal-against-criminal events involving drugs, cash and assassins... and Ray Liotta, of course. He must walk gently between the various mob bosses and drug lords he's involved with all while keeping his own sanity in check and life protected. Now, let's review shall we?

Original Release: 2005
Running Time: 115 minutes
Death - $1
I'm finding it's harder and harder to earn the full rating from me in this category. Sure there are a number of people being killed here, but it wasn't anything that knocked my socks off. To be fair, I wasn't even wearing socks but that's beside the point. Lots of people get shot and there's a little bit of subdued torture, but nothing that I had to pick my jaw up from the floor for. If I had a therapist, they may say this isn't healthy.

Acting - $2
Statham brings it. Liotta owns it. Andre 3000?? Well I'll be damned... he wasn't too shabby either. In all seriousness though, this was outside of the normal range for Statham and one of Andre's first stabs at acting, and they both were great. Liotta was in his pretty standard role but delivered it with gusto just the way we like it.

Repeat Play - $1
I will definitely be watching this again very soon, if only to make someone else watch it with me and see what they think. Parts of the movie are a little hard to follow but not in an annoying way... more of a "I need to sit through this again" way. So you win this round Guy Ritchie, you talented bastard. I still won't give you two Euros here though in case the desire to watch it falls off a cliff after the second viewing.

Shock Value - $2
Pretty much from the start I had no idea what was going to happen next. As we drew closer to the end the "twist" started to become a little more obvious but I was still completely unaware of what to expect from opening credits to close.

Billicious - $2
Revolver is different and fun and not well known... which is why I'm telling you fine folks about it! It took me on a ride I did not expect and that is not a feat easily accomplished anymore. For those folks that think every Guy Ritchie film is the same, then I suggest you give this a try.
Total Rating: $8

Revolver is an interesting ride that had me sitting up with curiosity and kept my eyes on the screen despite the fierce hangover I had while watching it. (Remember kids... friends don't let friends drink and blog!) I'm curious to see if anyone else was as pleasantly befuddled as I was, so if you've seen it then feel free to share your thoughts!

Wall-E

2008-11-29T14:42:00.004-05:00

The latest hit release from the geniuses at Pixar, Wall-E leaps into the future of Earth when we've finally done too much damage to stay here. Massive spaceships have been loaded up with all people and all the amenities they could need, and rocketed into the great beyond. At this point in the future there are robots galore, each with their own unique purpose and function. The spaceship has robots for every purpose imaginable - from scrubbing the floor to providing shade at the pool. Those remaining on Earth are charged with its cleanup... including Wall-E. When we meet this merry machine he seems to be the only functioning unit left and while he still does his daily duties, he seems to have picked up a bit of a personality as well. One day another ship lands near his "home" and another bot appears. Wall-E tries to befriend the sleeker (dare I say "sexier"?) visitor until he shows her a plant and she switches to an odd sleep-mode until the ship that dropped her off comes back to pick her up again. Wall-E sneaks a lift and the adventures continue out in space. I don't want to give too much more details here, so let's get on with the ratings...

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 98 minutes
(Blast on over for a ratings system reminder.)
For Ages 5 and Up - $2
It's a kids movie, but as is the case with most Pixar flicks, adults can enjoy it just as much. Following the footsteps of Toy Story and others the characters are lovable, the story is essentially simple and the extra subtleties of humor and animation nuances give it that extra flare that enables children of any age to have fun watching Wall-E.

Hardee-Har-Har - $1
Again, the simplicity was the best part here. When you take into consideration that the main characters (as well as most of the supporting characters) can say little more than their own name, the physical and situational humor here was great. Some might say that its cheating to have animated characters since they can literally make them do whatever they want... but I think it is even MORE challenging to give comedic timing and delivery to a completely digital creation. I didn't roll over laughing at any point, but there were a string of little chuckles and rib ticklers over the course of an hour and a half.

Effects & Animation - $2
Bravo Pixar... Bravo. Once again you have stepped up your game and surpassed the level of awesomeness reached in your previous films. Wall-E allowed them to step out of the ordinary and explore new frontiers with futuristic robots and an overly-technological space station. Each of the robot characters managed to maintain distinct personalities the likes of which can not be matched in cinema... sorry about your luck R2-D2 and forgettable-character-voiced-by-Ewan-McGregor-in-the-movie-Robots.

Critters & Creatures - $2
I know I said it above, but the robot characters in this movie were great. Wall-E and E.V.E. were both able to show an incredible range of emotions, and the group of misfit robots had me grinning from ear to ear. From the anal-retentive cleaning bot "MO" to the malfunctioning massage-bot, there was a great cast of lovable and distinct robo-characters.

Romantics - $2
Again, big ups to Pixar for being able to do what few human actors can do with only a keyboard, track-pad and Pentium Processor. The truly innocent love that built between Wall-E and E.V.E. had my eyes welling up a little bit as they sought to have nothing more than each other's company and to... wait for it... hold hands. Nobody makes a big deal out of holding hands any more! Nobody! But Pixar made it mean something again here so I tip my hat to them.Total Rating: $9

It took me a couple tries to finally see all of Wall-E, but that is my own darn fault for watching it at times when I new I was likely to fall asleep (under the covers of my own bed, and on the new couch in my parents' living room). I suggest you give it a try... and several if that's what it takes... because this is a great movie and one that should be seen by all. If you've seen it already, feel free to let me know what you thought! Until next time...

Nacho Libre

2008-11-22T14:02:00.003-05:00

Jack Black as a half-Mexican monk and wanna-be professional wrestler. Yup... that's pretty much the gist of it. And to be completely honest, when I first heard about it I pretty much had the same reaction that you are likely having right now. "No thanks." I refused to see it the theaters and refused again to buy it when it first came out on DVD. At some point, however, I managed to own. Whether I lost a bet or was coked out of my mind, I couldn't tell you. Either way, it is one of the better things I don't remember doing. I sat arms crossed and skepticism set on "high" during my first viewing, and I would not be an honest man if I didn't admit to being pleasantly surprised.

Black plays the lead role of Nacho, a friar in a Mexican orphanage who started his tenure there as a lonely lad with a lust for the life of luchadors (have my regular readers picked up on the love of alliteration yet?) but is thrust into the brotherhood instead and takes on the responsibility of chef. Years later he is still there dreaming of wrestling and sturggling with basic food preparation. The arrival of a new nun... the lovely Encarnacion... and the financial struggles of the orphanage drive Nacho to don the mask and tights and fight for the children he loves by doing what he loves. A supporting cast including... well... umm... a bunch of speechless glaring Hispanics join Black in this south-of-the-border cinematic spin. Now, let's get on with the ratings...

Original Release: 2006
Running Time: 92 minutes
Hardee-Har-Har - $1
There are times that I laugh here, but not THAT many. The jokes range from subtle (well, subtle as far as Jack Black is concerned) conversational quips to acts of complete randomness and even the occasional fart joke. The supporting cast does well with letting Black lead the way, but none other than his street-sleeping sidekick add any real comedic elements. While I did indeed laugh - and more than I expected - it doesn't stand out as being 40-nickels worth of funny.

Repeat Play - $1
As surprised as I was that I came to own Nacho Libre, I've been even more surprised that the dust has been brushed off a few times since then. In no way a "go to" part of my collection, the movie does at least serve its purpose as being a comedy that doesn't include Steve Carell, Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Jim Carrey or Seth Rogen. It's also probably the only Jack Black movie I will ever own... at least the only one with him in the lead role.

Pump up the Jams - $2
Nacho LIbre is a sneaky little punta with the musical selections. The main song used in the credits and throughout other parts of the movie is very catchy on its own. Spanish-language versions of classic oldies in he background of certain scenes is even better. The best though? Oh yes... that would be the songs that Black himself sings. None of them are lengthy, but they have had me and other folks I know singing them repeatedly. Personally, I am a fan of the tribute to Ramses, Nacho's favorite wrestler. My entire department at work, however, has enjoyed the musical confession of love for Encarnacion. I'll probably be singing that in my head for a few days at least now.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
Nacho Libre is about luchadors... Mexican professional wrestlers. I happen to be a fan of professional wrestling (don't judge) so I liked most of the fight/action/wrestling sequences here. The fact that they were wrestling matches and not just little comedic scuffles earns them a peso in my eyes.

Billicious - $1
Nacho Libre is definitely unique. With so many cookie-cutter movies flowing out of Hollywood, it is refreshing to find something a little different in an interesting way. The inclusion of professional wrestling doesn't hurt for my enjoyment either. I didn't think I was going to like it, and I did. THAT is what I love about it more than anything else. It was fun for me, and my hope is that it will be fun for you too... and if you've read and agree with any of my reviews to date than maybe it will.
Total Rating: $6

It's not for everyone, but Nacho Libre definitely has a following. If you think you can stomach ninety minutes of Jack Black topless and in spandex, then I would definitely recommend giving it a try. You might be pleasantly surprised! That's all from me for now, but with the Thanksgiving holiday coming up you can be sure that I will have several more DVDs and reviews coming up soon. Gobble gobble!

The Crow

2008-11-16T16:53:00.002-05:00

May the Lord have mercy on your soul if you don't love The Crow. Arguably THE movie of the 90's, The Crow had all the necessary pieces of a kick ass movie of the decade... dark and rainy cinematography, a solid rock soundtrack, and vengeance-fueled violence. A tragic story on-film and behind the scenes, The Crow centers on one Eric Draven who has come back from the grave to make his love's killers pay for their endless injustices. Eric is played by Brandon Lee (son of martial arts God, Bruce Lee) who - falling in the unfortunate footsteps of his father - died on-set during the filming on the movie. Eric has come back to life with new strength, invincibility and an animal guide in the shape of... yup... a crow. One by one, he hunts down and takes out each member of the 4-man gang that raped and killed his fiancee, and their employer - a local crime boss with a taste for mystic arts and his own sister. Grody. On that note, let's proceed with the reviews...

Original Release: 1994
Running Time: 102 minutes
(Fly on over to the rating system for a reminder.)
Death - $2
The body count itself isn't very high here, but the meaning behind each death is key. The movie starts with the murder of Eric and his fiancee Sarah which sets the stage for why the crow brings Eric back. Then, he takes out each one of T-Bird's thugs in the manner most fitting for them. Being stabbed with his own knives for Tin-Tin. A drug overdose for Fun Boy. You get the idea. Oh, and at one point a guy gets stabbed in the neck with a sword.

Acting - $1
For every decent performance you have in The Crow, there's a "they really get paid for this?" one right behind it. This might be due in part to some of the over-the-top characters... or the number of traditionally B-movie actors that were given less than minor roles. Either way, it is what it is and you it's not enough to make the movie suck.

Repeat Play - $1
I would be tempted to give this two bucks for repeatability, but I can't fairly do that knowing that it evaded my collection for over two years. When it hit me last week that I didn't own it anymore, I went out and bought it immediately. But I'm watching it now for the first time in a long time so I will have to just give it the Washington. I will undoubtedly be watching it again soon... but probably not in a "sit down and pay close attention" kind of way.

Pump up the Jams - $2
What a soundtrack! Nine Inch Nails... Stone Temple Pilots... The Cure... the soundtrack for this movie matched the tone and the times perfectly. Its hard to tell when you're watching if the music is part of the movie's score or if it is actually playing the background of the scene. I rocked out to this soundtrack in high school and still can today. It's just awesome.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
The Crow has a solid balance of action and the story necessary to explain the action. I wouldn't describe it as a "non-stop thrill ride" but there are plenty of altercations with a climactic one at the end. Brandon shows that he learned a thing or two from his dad, but big action or fight sequences aren't the point of this movie so I'm glad they didn't go that route. If this were made today I'm sure it would have annoying neon lights, nonsensical action, and George Clooney with rubber nipples.
Total Rating: $7

"I like the pretty lights." I don't know why, but that is one of my favorite movie quotes of all time. I say it every now and then and people look at me like I'm... well... me, actually. It is one of countless great one-liners in The Crow that will continue to make me grin as I continue to watch and enjoy it across decades to come. All you fans out there (and even you haters) can feel free to share your thoughts through a comment here or a Devil's Night greeting card. See you soon!

The Bank Job

2008-11-12T21:25:00.003-05:00

Jason Statham you cheeky monkey, you've done it again. The Bank Job see the "Stath-man" taking on a more legitimate role and movie. Don't get me wrong... I love the Transporter series, but it is far from cinematic poetry. The Bank Job is based on a true story from the 70's in foggy London town, and if you haven't figured out what the basic premise is then do me a favor and make out with a shotgun. Statham plays Terry Leather, a small-time crook and father of two, who is given the opportunity to lead an incredibly profitable bank heist that isn't quite what it seems. MI-5 (or 6, what's the difference?) has blackmailed Martine (the film's primary hotty) into getting Terry and his rag-tag group to bust into a local bank vault and steal the riches for themselves while she sneaks out an envelope of photos that show a certain member of the royal family in acts that you can only find on Cinemax at 3 A.M. A local porn financer, brothel owner and Britain's version of Malcolm X (who is much more corrupt than the original) all get into the mix for a variety of reasons and, as I'm sure you can imagine, things get all kinds of screwy. I think that pretty much covers it, so let's move on to the review...

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 111 minutes
(Take a gander at the rating system.)
Acting - $2
Did you know that Jason Statham can talk?? All this time I just thought he was a punching kicking mute machine. Well, I will gladly admit when I am wrong. Statham did a much better job than I expected here, but he is still only a small factor in the full funds being given here. Across the board, everyone delivered stellar performances. I don't know if the credit should be given to the actors themselves or the casting manager but sweet Jesus I thought these could have been some of the actual people. What might work to their advantage is that I haven't seen most of these actors in many movies (them being British and all) but this seriously made The Italian Job look like The Half-Assed Job.

Hello Ladies - $2
When I was first told that I should see this movie (I will keep said friend anonymous for his sake) one of the first things he said was that there are naked chicks all over the place. The ladies are two-fold here though. Martine and Terry's wife... I would both. They are both pretty hot in their own ways and they both have hot British accents. Well played ladies. Aside from the ladies who are prominent enough to actually be given names, we are blessed with the female form in several scenes of the movie. I'm pretty sure the first scene has underwater boobage, and then there's the brothel. Yeah... lots of ladies.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
It's not an action movie, so I can't legitimately give two dollars here. The little bit that we do have is a combination of torture tactics that made me shift in my seat (it's not graphic, don't worry) and about 5 minutes of the Statham style we've all come to know and love. The man knows how to use a brick.

Romantics - $1
I'll be honest with you folks. I don't like this category. I'm not a fan of many romantic movies and don't really seek it out in movies that have other elements to distract me. But I have to admit that I was completely drawn in to the chemistry and drama between Statham's Terry and his wife and the saucy Martine. All three players owned their roles and made me feel like there was legit shit going down.

Billicious - $2
I love British stuff. Bull dogs, Boddingtons and babes with British accents all pull a smile on this pale face. The Bank Job is chock full of everything British... because it is set there... but not in a stupid movie way. It feels very true to the location and the time with the fashion, lingo and cars so I couldn't help but enjoy myself.
Total Rating: $8

One of the reasons my collection is as... robust... as it has become, is that I like to buy cheap movies. Unless it is a new release that I know I have to own, I pretty much live off the weekly sales at Best Buy. Mere days after being told I needed to see The Bank Job, it happened to be on sale for $10, so I picked it up. After having watched it, I would have been happy to pay $15 (which is triple what I pay for most movies) and was only happier to have paid what I did. I loved this movie and look forward to watching it again soon. I don't think too many of my friends have seen it either, so I'll have to make sure to spread the fun. Go give it a whirl yourself, and let me know what you think. Later!

The 40 Year Old Virgin

2008-11-09T15:47:00.004-05:00

Steve Carell made the leap from comedic sidekick to comedic lead with The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Carell plays Andy, the store room manager at an electronics megastore who happens to be 40 years old... and a virgin (it still took them 3 months to come up with the title). A few of Andy's male coworkers discover his dilemma and take it upon themselves to get him laid. Bar trips, speed dating and all-around bad advice send Andy on a sexless spiral until he meets the lovely Trish and falls for her enough to give dating another try. To hide his "condition" he agrees to a 20 date no-sex deal that goes along swimmingly until it gets closer to D-Day (the "D" is for "Do it") and the fear of fessing up starts to become too much. Catherine Keener, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen and more join Carell on this tale of testicular tribulations. But, before I say anything that will blow it (chuckle), let's get to the ratings...

Original Release: 2005
Running Time: 116 minutes
(Check out the rating system.)
Hardee-Har-Har - $1
While Virgin was pretty funny the first time I saw it, I've laughed a little bit less every viewing since. It just isn't the kid of comedy that you will find something new to laugh in when you watch it again. Don't get me wrong, I love the movie... it just doesn't have the subtle laughables that give other comedies a sense of longevity. That'll cost them a dollar.

Acting - $1
Nothing terrible here, but nothing spectacular either. Everyone plays characters that aren't too far of a stretch from their own personalities so the upside was that everyone was comfortable in their roles, but the downside is that they were almost too comfortable in their roles. I didn't get the feeling that anyone was trying all that hard.

Repeat Play - $1
Every time I watch 40-Year-Old Virgin I realize it is going to be a while before I watch it again, no matter how inevitable the next time is. The gaps between viewings seems to be growing exponentially, but that is likely due to my comment above about there not being much new to laugh at with repeat plays.

Hello Ladies - $1
First things first... I dig Catherine Keener. If I was older, I would. Elizabeth Banks is always pretty easy to look at too. Add these two ladies and flocks of background or "extras" lookers, and you get yourself a buck.

Nerd Factor - $2
I know it will come as a surprise that a guy who blogs about his DVD collection may be some sort of a nerd, but that's just the way it is. Get over it, calm yourself down, and we'll proceed. I've been known to have the occasional action figure (loose or in its original packaging) in my house, on my desk, or on my person in a place that few would think to look. That being the case, I was totally nerding out at some of the toys that Andy had. I even HAVE some of the toys Andy had. While watching it I could only imagine how fun it must have been to be the set decorator that got to find all of those classic and awesome "collectibles". Friggin sweet.
Total Rating: $6

This is one that I suspect some people may not agree with. A lot of folks enjoy 40-Year-Old Virgin (the movie, not the real thing) but the numbers don't lie here. It just doesn't measure up to my high standards as well as other comedies that have graced my DVD player. I'd love to hear if you agree or disagree, so feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts. That's all for now though, so keep on rockin in the free world!

Donnie Darko

2008-11-02T09:56:00.005-05:00

Donnie Darko is the story of a young man by the same name growing up in the 80's with some hefty emotional and psychological problems. Sleep walking and hallucinations are regular occurences for young Donnie, which makes him unsure of what he starts to see and do after one night's sleep walking helped him to narrowly miss being killed by a jet engine landing in his bedroom. The mysterious man in the evil rabbit costume, Frank, leads Donnie through late-night acts of demolition and on a quest for knowledge about time travel and worm holes. You still following? If so, then you've seen the movie. If not, then you need to see the movie. Donnie is played by a young(er) Jake Gyllenhaal, and he is supported by a veritable fantasy team of actors including Drew Barrymore, Noah Wyle, Seth Rogen, Jena Malone and Patrick Swayze. Since trying to explain this movie much more would probably make me bleed from the eyes, I will go ahead and get into the ratings...

Original Release: 2001
Running Time: 113 minutes
(Get a refresher on the rating system.)
Acting - $2
Strong performances across the board. Donnie Darko is what put Jake Gyllenhaal on the map, and I think it's because of his ability to portray a character that is the brother of a character portrayed by actress Maggie Gyllenhaal. Many have tried and few have succeeded, but Jake really hit it home. If that wasn't enough to convince, then I have two words for you... "Patrick Swayze". (All kidding aside... everyone delivered magnificent performances here, and that includes Mr. Dirty Dancing.)

Critters & Creatures - $1
Frank... creeps... me... out. Enough said.

Repeat Play - $1
I have watched Donnie Darko countless times over the last 5+ years, but still not enough to earn a full $2. No matter how frequently I see it, I have to have a certain amount of time between viewings. I either need to be in the mood for this movie specifically or with someone that hasn't seen it before in order for this particular case to be pulled from the shelf.

Pump up the Jams - $2
Set at some time in the 80's, Donnie Darko tickles our ears with some classics from the decade. The score by Michael Andrews adds a lot to the creepy cerebral elements of the movie as well, especially with the closing scene's dramatic cover of Mad World (originally by Tears for Fears) that has since been used in other mediums including a Gears of War commercial.

Billicious - $2
I didn't really get into movies too much until I got to college, and this is one of the ones that opened my eyes to just how much there is outside of the small rural town I had grown up in. It was dark. It was deep. It was trippy. It was awesome. Some people are bothered by how trendy it has become to know this movie but I just don't care. Donnie Darko is a great film and if douche bags like it too, then maybe I've been too hard on douche bags in the past and should give them another chance. No... no I shouldn't. You still suck, douche bags.Total Rating: $8

Donnie Darko is pretty hard to put into words, so I hope those of you who haven't see this movie yet will give it a try and see for yourself how uniquely cool it is. A special thanks to the reader that requested this review. If anyone else has any requests (remember they have to be in the collection) or any other feedback then feel free to leave a comment.

Hot Rod

2008-11-01T20:23:00.008-04:00

SNL's Andy Samberg plays Rod Kimble, a wanna-be stunt man still living with his mom where he receives constant verbal and physical torments from his step-father. Rod regularly attempts to prove his manhood to his step-dad through basement battle royals but is met with defeat time and time again. After another failed stunt attempt, Rod comes home to find that his step-father is going to die soon from a heart condition that they cannot afford the operation for. This sends Rod on a mission to raise enough money through his stunts to pay for the operation and have the opportunity to kick his step-father's ass. Rod and his unqualified crew of slackers - recently joined by his "I would" neighbor Denise, played by Isla Fisher - set up a series of rigorous training exercises to get Rod ready for the biggest jump of his life... over 15 school buses. Can he raise the money? Can he save his step-fathers life only to beat the crap out of him and earn respect as a man? Can he earn the love of Denise? I'm not telling... read the ratings, then watch the movie!

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 88 minutes
(Jump over to the rating system for a reminder.)
Hardee-Har-Har - $2
If you enjoy the Digital Shorts or any of Samberg's other SNL performances than you will enjoy Hot Rod. Samberg dominates the film, but is supported by a slew of other strong comedians - some from the SNL realm and some not. The random silly humor that would expect is exactly what you get - and then some - between his sidekicks, totem animals, and a punch-dance scene.

Acting - $1
Again, you pretty much get what you would expect here. They shouldn't make any room on the mantle for an Oscar, but it is better than what you see on SNL and in most of the SNL-heavy movies (cough cough Superstar cough). Samberg is believable as the lovable loser and everyone else carries their own weight or more. Not really much else to say here. It is what it is. Not awe-inspiring but not terrible.

Repeat Play - $1 $2
Hot Rod is at a slight disadvantage here only because it is a comedy. There are few that I can watch repeatedly. I was tempted to give this $2, but I think I will stick with the one. I've watched it a few times since I bought it and manage to laugh at new parts every time. You know what... screw it... I'm giving it $2. And I will probably watch it in the next few days (after I watch a couple for fresh reviews).

Pump up the Jams - $2
Two of Hearts... I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight... and more! I love the music selection for Hot Rod. It is a mix of random classics from the 80's and 90's that work perfectly with the quirky humor and the various training/stunt scenes. The music itself is awesome, but the way it fits perfectly into the movie is even better. Am I being too generous today?

Billicious - $2
I feel like I might be sounding like a broken record, but this is the kind of movie that inspired me to do this blog. I don't know many (or any) people that have seen Hot Rod and it is way too funny to not be widely known. Adam Sandler and Will Ferrel can pretty much put any piece of crap comedy out now and people will go see it because they just don't know any better and aren't aware of movies like this that fly under their radar. I love it and I think you will too.
Total Rating: $9

Hot Rod is an off-the-beaten path comedy that I think has not gotten even close to the credit it deserves. It's not the second coming of Christ, but it does have a pretty awesome Jew so swing by your local video store and rent the hell out of it. Or, if you know me, I might be willing to let you borrow it... or at least come over and watch it with me. That's a wrap for now, but you'll be hearing from me again very soon. It's always nice to hear from you too, so feel free to leave any thoughts you have.

Shoot 'Em Up

2008-10-28T19:45:00.006-04:00

Shoot 'Em Up stars Clive Owen as a mysterious stranger with a strict moral code that finds himself mixed up in - and unwilling to step back from - a strange scenario involving hit men, political officials and infants they want dead. Initially stepping in to help out a pregnant woman being chased by a typical bad-guy stooge, Owen's character "Smith" helps her deliver her child under gunfire and then takes the baby into his own custody after she takes a bullet to the dome. A crew of hitmen don't stop there however, as Paul Giamatti (I had to copy and paste that because I can never spell or pronounce his name right) leads them after Smith and the lactating prostitute he enlists to help care for the child. This milky maiden is played by super-hotty Monica Belucci who I feel is the only reason to watch the Matrix sequels. I digress... The plot thickens and the bodies pile up in this action-packed cat and mouse adventure. That's pretty much all there is to say about that. So, without further rambling, let us proceed to the ratings...

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 86 minutes
(Shoot on over to the ratings system for a refresher.)
Death - $2
There are two - count 'em TWO - incidences of death by carrot in Shoot 'Em Up. That is on top of the obvious death by gun and the less than obvious death by helicopter. The moral of the story children is that there are a lot of bodies dropping here, and that's what make the world go around. OK... not really, but it makes for a fun flick.

Hardee-Har-Har - $2
I find that more and more these days, comedy is added to primarily-action films. Look at the Die Hard series as an example. In the midst of throwing people out of towers or launching cars at helicopters (I'm trying to set a record for the number of helicopter references in one post) John McClain tormented his adversaries with one liners and witty jabs. Well the humor is a two-way street in Shoot 'Em Up as the main protagonist and antagonist throw insults and bullets at each other while also dry-hamming (I just made that up) with the respective cohorts. Clive Owen and Paul Giavi... Giovan... Paul both deliver a unique style of "frustration" humor as they continue to get buggered with the other's unending interference.

Acting - $1
You get what you would expect from all the players here... and I expected quality. Keep in mind the nature of this movie did not ask anyone to truly flex their acting muscles or stretch their thespian wings, but everyone delivered the characters they needed to, and did so in a somewhat believable manner. Had they needed to do more I have no doubt that they would have succeeded... they just weren't working with much.

Repeat Play - $2
If it weren't for my quest to review the movies in my collection, and the need to keep up with the new additions that manage to sneak their way in (working next door to a Best Buy is a blessing and a curse) I would have watched this movie again last night. It's fun... it's funny... it has action... it has Monica. Shoot 'Em Up is just one of those movies you can enjoy no matter what kind of mood you are in or how recently you last watched it. I don't know how this has managed to fly under the radar of so many people, so my hope is that you lovely readers will give it a try and find yourself wanting to watch it again as I have.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
Come on people... the movie is called "Shoot 'Em Up" and it's not a porn. Of COURSE there is ample action here. I like the way they spruce it up too. You think you're just going to get a series of gun fights throughout whatever city they are in, but they they take to the skies in an absurdly awesome sequence. It makes no sense and is wholly unrealistic, but I give them points for creativity and style.

Total Rating: $9

What more do you want me to say?

Clive Owen + Guns + Helicopter Death + The Occasional Boob = WATCH IT

I started out as a math major in college people, so just trust me on this. As always, feel free to share your thoughts. See yall soon!

Sweeney Todd

2008-10-26T20:08:00.003-04:00

Sweeney Todd reunites the Holy Trinity of creepy-cool... Tim Burton, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter... for the cinematic interpretation of the hit Broadway musical. The story centers around Benjamin Barker, a London barber who is falsely imprisoned by a maniacal judge trying to get his hands on Barker's wife. After fifteen years in jail he returns home only to find that his wife drank poison after being maliciously sought after by the judge and he has since taken their daughter in as his ward. Barker finds his way to his old apartment/barber shop, located above a pie shop that is lacking in quality and cleanliness. Barker decides to seek vengeance and to do so he changes his name to Sweeney Todd and reopens his barber business with the intent to take more than just a little off the top of the judge. It's not quite that simple though, as other players get mixed up in a tangled web of drama and violence. The killings continue and new tasty ingredients are found for the pie shop... I'll give you a hint... it's human flesh. Songs and slit throats galore keep your eyes and ears on the screen. Now, let's get into the ratings shall we?

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 118 minutes
(Read up on the rating system.)
Death - $2
Oh yeah... there's a little bit of death in this movie. It takes a little time to get started, but the body count just keeps adding up. Todd's weapon of choice is his straight razors and they cross many a neck with blood-splattering efficiency.

Acting - $2
Depp and Carter bring their incredibly quirky styles with perfection, but they are far from the only strong acts in Sweeney Todd. Alan Rickman plays the judge and is attached at the hip with Timothy Spell as Beadle. Even Sacha Baron Cohen has a small role that lets him flex his comedic and acting muscles. Most of the time it is children actors that ruin a movie for me. I was pleasantly surprised that the three main youngsters here held their own. Oh, and I mentioned that this was a musical right? The only thing harder than acting is acting while singing.

Pump up the Jams - $1
Follow the format of the play, the film version of Sweeney Todd is a musical. That means (for our less cultured readers) that songs are used in place of spoken words for some or all of the show. There are some pretty bad musicals out there, but I have to say that I enjoyed the songs from Sweeney Todd. So, they get a dollar. I'd give them a pat on the back too, but I'm pretty sure their security guards wouldn't be ok with that.

Shock Value - $1
There were a few surprises here and there, topped by a violently shocking end. I have to say that I was honestly a little surprised and that doesn't happen too often. I can't really say much more without telling you what the surprises actually are.

Billicious - $2
Sweeney Todd has a certain oddness to it that I just enjoy. It is somewhat typical as a Burton film, but is that necessarily a bad thing? While he tends to make quirky movies, they are still each unique in their own way and Sweeney Todd is one of my new favorites.
Total Rating: $8

Here's a fun fact... in the Ben Affleck movie Jersey Girl, the performance they do for his daughter's talent show is part of the Sweeney Todd play. Notice that there wasn't a link right there? Yeah, that's because I do not own that movie and will not own that movie. I digress... Sweeney Todd is a new twist on the Burton classic and a funky fun time. For you guys that don't want to watch a musical, there is MORE than enough blood to make up for it. Give it a try and I think you will thank me. Now, I'm assuming you went to school and learned how to read and write. Now that you've read, why not write by leaving a comment? (Thank you to "Anonymous" for requesting this movie as a Reader's Choice!)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

2008-10-26T18:27:00.004-04:00

Twenty-seven years after the release of the first Indiana Jones film, and nineteen years after the third, Steven Spielberg and crew thought it would be great to bring Harrison Ford back into the hat and whip for one more go. And I only have two things to say to that... 1- I think that was the best cinematic decision in years. 2- It's opposite day. What the holy hell made them think this was a good idea? Harrison Ford is still the man, but even HE was too old to be doing this. The jokes to that fact throughout the movie got pretty annoying quick, but not enough to distract me from the crap factory that I was watching. Everything that was awesome about the original Indiana Jones movies was horribly bastardized in the latest attempt. The action was a bit too geriatric for my tastes and the story was even more ridiculous then the Holy Grail stuff from Las Crusade. I don't think "hole" is a strong enough word to describe the issues with the plot either... let's go with "plot voids". There were some nice nostalgic elements, including the return of Karen Allen, but the addition of Shia LeBeouf as his illegitimate son (I don't care if i ruin any surprises for this one) felt like a kick in the bean sack. The movie begins with Indiana already kidnapped and being forced by Nazis to use his archeological expertise to help them with their latest hair brained world domination scheme. Naturally he escapes and then manages to survive a nuclear explosion by hiding in a refrigerator. I'm not kidding. The nonsense continues, but I won't waste your time. On to the ratings...

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 122 minutes
(Read the rating system details.)

Hardee-Har-Har - $0
All of the original Indiana Jones movies had a certain degree of humor to them. It's part of what made them great. On top of the action and suspense, Ford's portrayal of Indiana added some laughs to the mix. They tried real hard to bring that back for Crystal Skull and they tanked. Everything coming from Indiana felt extremely forced, and Shia's character was even worse.

Acting - $0
Hang your head in shame Harrison... hang your head. And Shia? Go back to giant robots my friend. Bad ass greaser with a switchblade just isn't you. They would have been better replacing you with Jar Jar Binks.

Effects & Animation - $1
I will say this. The CG used in a few places was pretty good. There wasn't a whole lot but what they did, they did well. The reason they needed the special effects? That was just awful. Indiana Jones shouldn't have this much sci-fi stuff to it. That could just be my opinion though.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
There's a lot of action here, as you would expect. Lots of chasing and shooting. None of it was groundbreaking for the Indiana Jones series or movies in general, but the quantity alone is deserving of a dollar. Don't ever tell me I'm not generous.

Romantics - $0
Painful. That's all I have to say about that.

Total Rating: $2

I think for my final thoughts, I will share the thing that I realized while working on this review and not during the movie itself. The female evil doctor Nazi character was played by Cate Blanchet. I hate Cate Blanchet. I do believe Steven Spielberg was trying to do everything in his power to make me not enjoy this movie. Job well done Steven... job well done.

Incredible Hulk

2008-10-26T13:53:00.008-04:00

The Incredible Hulk is Marvel's second attempt at bringing the green goliath to the silver screen. I won't dive too deep into the initial attempt by Ang Lee because a lot of people hated that one while I enjoyed it for what it was. Everything that was viewed as "wrong" in the first version was definitely made right here. This time around we see Ed Norton as Bruce Banner, Liv Tyler as Betty Ross (give me back my Jennifer Connoly!), and William Hurt and General Thunderbolt Ross. It isn't just a fresh cast, however, as the entire first film is ignored and they start the story from scratch. Rather than waste 30 minutes on the origin, we're given flash-back styled background scenes as the opening credits roll and then are thrust right into the story. Bruce is on the run from the Army and attempting to learn control for his condition as well as a cure. Eventually tracked down in South America a military strike force fails to capture him, leading to the experimentation of a revised super soldier serum on the lead soldier. Chases and conflict continue as Bruce tracks down Mr. Blue to help with the cure, only to put Mr. Blue in the sights of said serum-soaked soldier (that's alliteration kids!). Soldier becomes bigger/meaner monster and a big bad behemoth fight ensues. Want more details? Well, then keep reading below or... here's a thought... watch the movie!

Original Release: 2008
Running Time: 113 minutes
(Don't forget that you can refresh your memory on the rating system.)
Acting - $2
Ed Norton dominated the role of Bruce Banner - the troubled scientist with a love just outside his reach and a haunting inner demon to deal with. Tim Roth rocks the house as Emil Blonsky, the aging soldier willing to do anything to take down the Hulk and gain that level of power for himself. And Liv Tyler was better than I expected... especially when she turned the river water into stampeding horses to take down the ring wraiths. (wrong movie?) The caliber of acting here is that which every comic book movie should have. Dark Knight, Iron Man and Incredible Hulk are leading the wave of legitimate comic-based cinema. Thanks guys!

Effects & Animation - $2
One of the biggest differentiators between the first Hulk movie and this one is the special effects. The Hulk himself has a much grittier and more real feel to him this time and benefits from the overall advancements in computer animation. The Abomination character is pretty bad ass too, straying from the traditional comic look in a very smart way. The interactions of these two CG characters with each other and the real-life actors and scenery are also handled as seemlessly as possible with such outlandish looks.

Repeat Play - $1
I will definitely be watching this one again, and probably pretty soon, but it isn't quite the kind of movie that I can watch over and over. Nothing against the movie at all... the story just isn't one that you will find new things to enjoy on repeat viewings.

Nerd Factor - $2
Every comic book movie is likely to get at least a dollar here, but the use (and dignified rendition) of a classic Hulk villain in Abomination upped the ante. Not to mention the tease of yet another ultimate nemesis for Hulk... the Leader! As of now there isn't anything official about a sequel (Avengers movie aside) but he would be perfect... gamma brains vs. gamma brawn. Oh, and I almost forgot the cameo at the end connecting Hulk to another recent Marvel film.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
Hulk versus the military? Always a good time. Hulk versus Abomination? Boo-yah bitches! The chases and fights keep the pace up throughout the movie and are all pretty nifty. The fight scene at the end is as brutal as you would expect and they show no remorse for the buildings and citizens around them.
Total Rating: $9

I hope nobody out there thinks I am just going to review comic book movies highly because I'm a bit of a nerd. But, like I said above, they are starting to take this genre more seriously as they've come to understand the amount of money they can make when they don't muck it up. While The Incredible Hulk wasn't as big a box office smash as some of the others, it was still successful both financially and critically. It's a very strong movie and one that I would definitely recommend you dedicating two hours of your life for. Until next time ladies and gentleman...

Reader's Choice

2008-10-23T14:21:00.002-04:00

YOU decide what I watch!

I already have the next 4 or so reviews lined up (it's going to be a couch filled weekend folks), but as I was going through my collection the other day trying to figure out what to watch I realized that it shouldn't always be my choice.

So... why don't you head on over to the Full List and leave a comment or drop me an email to let me know what movie you would like me to watch and review. Feel free to let me know your first name, where you're from, and why you picked the movie and I'll give you a shout out in the post.

Hopefully this will keep me from reviewing too many comic-based films in a row!

Until next time...

District B-13

2008-10-19T15:07:00.003-04:00

District B-13 (translated from "Banlieue 13" for its US release) is a French action film... yeah, that's right. A French action film that is good enough to own. Set in the not-too-distant future, France has fallen from grace (I guess surrendering will do that to you) and they've built large walls around the different ghettos them to be run by the gangs and organized crime within. Leito was born and raised in one of these ghettos - District B-13 - and tries to fight the good fight against Taha (the local crime lord). This doesn't sit well with the bad guys though, so they kidnap his sister Lola and get him thrown into prison. Jump forward about six months and a star undercover cop is given a new mission... befriend Leito and enlist his aid in finding and disarming a smart bomb that just happened to find its way into District B-13 and just happened to have a 24-hour timer accidentally triggered.

Original Release: 2004
Running Time: 85 minutes
(Take a refresher course on the rating system.)
Death - $1
On top of people getting shot left and right, there is at least one instance of neck-breaking. And the Good Lord knows I love me some neck breaking. All things considered though, there could have been more "death" death here. More often than not, you are left wondering if that guy is just unconscious or if he's left the mortal plane.

Acting - $1
Let's be honest with ourselves here people. What do YOU expect to get out of a French action movie? I think it is safe to say that none of us anticipate being drawn in to a rich story through the impeccable acting and character development. Well... at least the frogs are consistent. This is in no way a case study for thespians, but it was a bit better than I expected. Some of the lines were awful, but some of the characters were also portrayed surprisingly adequate.

Pump up the Jams - $1
As you might expect from a European quasi-futuristic action movie, there is quite a bit of techno music in the background. I just happen to be a fan of said music, so I dig it. Euro-rap is mixed in here and there as well for a nice added effect.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
A lot of the movie pulls from parkour (also known as freestyle running) which is pretty kick ass. The chases, stunts and fight scenes are all far from what you would ever get in an American action flick. Cyril Raffaell plays Damien - the cop character - and is known for his quick-action style. You might remember him from Live Free or Die Hard as the French mercenary but he's been behind the scenes on a ton of big action movies as stunt coordinator. The way he kicks the crap out of people is just awesome, and having TWO people that fight that way in the movie just makes it better.

Billicious - $1
The style, action and soundtrack make District B-13 a definite "Bill Flick". My regular readers will know my distaste for foreign films but even that doesn't detract from my enjoying this movie. Do I expect everyone to like it? Of course not. That's why it's billicious.
Total Rating: $6

I'm going to keep this brief because... well... I'm a little hungover. I'm tired, I have a headache, and the pizza guy just got here so it is time to wrap this up. If you are looking for an interesting action flick and you don't mind subtitles or voice-overs then I would definitely say give District B-13 a try. Feel free to leave some love (or hate) but for me folks, it's pepperoni time.

Black Sheep

2008-10-12T20:09:00.003-04:00

If you are reading this with the hopes of hearing about Chris Farley and his obesity-ridden slapstick comedy... well... just stop reading now. This Black Sheep comes to us from the lovely people of New Zealand who obviously never want us to visit. I say that because this movie likely comes from one of two things - either some sort of factual events, or some truly F-ed up minds. Either way, I think I will be steering clear of Australia's little sister for the time being.

Black Sheep follows Angus, a young NZ lad raised on a sheep farm who is traumatized as a child by his older brother and grows an unhealthy fear of the docile creatures. Upon returning to the farm years later for family reasons that aren't important enough to get into here, he is forced to face his fears. Secret research and experimentation has been conducted on the farm and the result is a new breed of sheep... one that enjoys the taste of human flesh. A couple of stupid tree-hugging squirrel-humping hippies unwittingly let the beasts loose in their effort to balance their karma with mother earth (or for whatever reason hippies do anything) and unsuspecting folks on the farm are forced to run from the crazed critters in order to survive and keep them from escaping and spread like a herd of wooly death.

I don't know any of the actors in the film, nor am I familiar with anything else put out by the director or producer, so I will just go ahead and jump into the review.

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 87 minutes
(Take a gander at the rating system.)
Death - $2
Sheep eating people.
Wait a moment, and let that soak in. Sheep. Eating. People.
What part of a plot like this made you think there would be any less than two dollars worth of death? Seriously. It's awesome. Human death... sheep death... other-thing-I-don't-want-to-spoil death. It's all over the place and much more gory and creative than I had expected. Well played New Zealand... well played.

Effects & Animation - $1
For the most part, the effects are pretty bad. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it was pretty intentional though, so I'll still give them a dollar here. Some of the sheep look more real than others, but I like the fact that it is all animatronics and true effects. If any of it had been digital effects then I would have just told them to not quit their day jobs.

Critters & Creatures - $2
So, you read the part above about the man-eating sheep right? Yeah, well add to that a creepy little test-tube zombie sheep fetus and a crazy man-sheep (would that be a "wereWOOLf"?) I will gladly throw a couple dollars their way here for creativity alone.

Shock Value - $1
I didn't really know what to expect with this one. I mean, yes I knew there were going to be a baa-baa here and a baa-baa there, but they actually threw more surprises and twists than anticipated. Never knowing which sheep were evil and which weren't kept me on my toes too.

Billicious - $1
Black Sheep is one of the movies in my collection that helped spark the creation of Ten Dollar Reviews. This is the type of movie that my sister and I both love - even if we can't quite say why - and want to share with our friends and family that we know would never give it a second thought. If you are sick of being subjected to the same sci-fi / horror / comedy movies year in and year out, then I beg you to give this a try and see how it sits.

Total Rating: $7

For the outro tonight, I think I will leave you with a couple taglines that they used in the promotion of this film...

Violence of the Lambs
There are 40 million sheep in New Zealond, and they're pissed off!

In all seriousness though... it's like someone decided to film a sequel to 28 Days Later at a petting zoo. Just give it a try! And if you do, then I beg you to leave me a comment to let me know what you think.

Superbad

2008-10-11T17:16:00.004-04:00

For a while there, it felt like we wouldn't be able to see another comedy in our life that wasn't based on some whacky new version of the same characters we keep see being played by Adam Sandler or Will Ferrell. Then the Almighty graced us with Seth Rogen. Now I know what you might be saying... "Hey Ten Dollah, don't you recall the small part Seth Rogen had in Anchorman? And didn't you know that Apatow Productions was behind as many of Seth's movies as Will's?" Well, good reader, first of all you should keep your thougths to yourself unless you're leaving a comment below. This is my damn blog so just let me write it already. And secondly, yes I knew both of those were the case. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. Rogen's involvement on-screen and in-script on other recent kick-ass rib-ticklers (such as The 40-Year-Old Vigin and Knocked Up - reviews pending) have shown us that he has a bright future indeed.

In Superbad, we see Rogen as a county cop that gets mixed up in an evening full of pre-graduation high school antics. Two best friends (played by Michael Cera and Jonah Hill) make a last-ditch effort to win the girls of their (wet) dreams and enlist the help of the their nerdy third wheel Fogel to score booze for the girls' big party with his new fake ID. The problems and zany adventures begin when he takes this new ID - which happens to say he's a 25-year-old guy from Hawaii with named purely "McLovin" - and the other two mistake an untimely liquor store robbery with their pal getting busted by the 5-0. Instead of giving you too much more of the story, I'll just leave you with this... these are the kinds of antics that nerdy guys in high school (like me back in the day) always dream of.

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 114 minutes

(Get a look back at the Ten Dollah rating system.)
Hardee-Har-Har - $2
Good lord. Typical high school friendly banter and ribbing was not held back at all. They have these kids saying the kind of crap that we all said back then... none of this candy-coated Hollywood high school nonsense. Each turn in their night-long course of calamities adds another layer of humor and brings in more zany characters to the freak show. Solid laughs across the board here folks. Sit back and enjoy.

Acting - $1
A comedy with a mostly younger cast, you get what you expect here. Michael Cera and Jonah Hill both deliver a little above and beyond some of their counterparts but I get the feeling nobody really had "Oscar" running through their minds while filming. Don't get me wrong though... the acting isn't bad at all. It is actually surprisingly decent... just not quite enough for a full $2.

Repeat Play - $1
I love this movie and can watch it more frequently than a lot of movies - let alone comedies - but it just doesn't have enough to keep me watching it over and over. Whenever I find out someone hasn't seen it yet I will almost force them to watch it, and sit there to make sure they do, but it doesn't have the subtle nuances that a comedy has to have to make me watch it repeatedly. I don't really get anything new out of another viewing, but I do know it is a guaranteed enjoyable two hours.

Hello Ladies - $1
The lovely ladies that catch the eyes of our protagonists are believably attractive... and I think that is important here. They aren't going after the ridiculously hot head cheerleader or any crap like that. Each of the three gals are cute in their own way, and seem like what these personalities would go after in any high school across the country. Now... I was hesitant to use this category because this movie is about high school. Fear not, fair readers... I made sure to check the birthdays on IMDB so I don't have to worry about my own local law enforcement kicking down my door and putting "minimum distance" regulations on the table.

Pump up the Jams - $1
Big Poppa... These Eyes... Ace of Spades. On their own, these three would be enough to get my attention. But these sweet tracks are also joined by a mix of catchy hits from across the decades.

Total Rating: $6

Superbad is far from that. In fact, it is SuperNOTbad. It is one of the better comedies to come out in recent years and is one of the few that I was actually willing to add to the collection. Dare I say this might even be a new classic? Nah... that might be a bit much. But, I don't know anyone that has seen this movie and not liked it and I think that says something. Until next time... I bid you farewell!

Spaceballs

2008-10-05T19:04:00.008-04:00

Spaceballs is arguably Mel Brooks' finest and most popular film. Known for spoofing certain genres of film, Brooks focused all his energy here on none other than Star Wars. From beginning to end they poke fun at production techniques, characters and future "technology". The "Spaceballs" themselves are the equivalent of the Empire and, having used all of the air on their home planet, they have developed a way to steal it from the neighboring Druidia. The young Druish princess runs away on the day of her wedding so her father sends Lone Starr and Barf to bring her home, unwittingly putting them in the sites of Darth Helmet - the leader of the Spaceballs, played by the ever-intimidating Rick Moranis. Run-ins with other Star Wars spoofs - like the old and wise Yogurt and the intergalactic mob boss Pizza the Hutt - keep the laughs coming from beginning credits to end. Without any further ado... let's get into the review...

Original Release: 1987
Running Time: 96 minutes
(Read up on how I rate my movies.)
Hardee-Har-Har - $2
I have to admit that I am not a fan of every Mel Brooks film, but Spaceballs is pure genius. Being the Star Wars fan that I am, every single joke is spot on. But even for you non-nerds out there, Mel throws in plenty of humor that doesn't require prior Lucas-film knowledge. Brooks' typical style of one-liners and line-crossers will tickle the ribs of just about any viewer.

Effects & Animation - $1
Considering it had a fraction of the effects budget that Star Wars had, they pulled off the sci-fi feel pretty well. The fact that it is a spoof helps their cause though, as they aren't expected to top the charts in special effects. The few uses of more elaborate effects were well done though, and weren't the "Sci-Fi Channel made-for-TV-movie" caliber, which is what most would expect.

Critters & Creatures - $1
While not entirely original, Barf the mawg, Pizza the Hutt, Yogurt, Dinks Dinks and Dot Matrix are all blatant rip-offs of classic Star Wars characters and all still make me chuckle.

Repeat Play - $2
As I mentioned before, I am not a big fan of all Mel Brooks' films. I still have yet to sit through all of Blazing Saddles (don't judge) but I do love Robin Hood: Men In Tights. Spaceballs tops them all though - especially when it comes to repeat viewings. If I didn't already own the DVD, I would jump at every basic-cable airing because this is one of those movies that you don't have to be in a specific mood to watch. Mid-afternoon on a Sunday, drunk on the couch with friends, or right when you get home from work... there's always a good time to watch Spaceballs.

Nerd Factor - $2
Comedy nerds love Mel Brooks. Sci-Fi nerds love Star Wars. This movie is like the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups of nerd. I would also like to add that most sci-fi nerds feel that Spaceballs would have been better as "Episode 1" than that Phantom Menace crap-fest.

Total Rating: $8

I guess that wraps up another review. I don't really have a whole lot to say here at the end that I haven't already said above. And I know you're all pretty busy out there, so I won't kill too much more of your time. Don't forget to let me know your thoughts by leaving a comment.

Smokin' Aces

2008-09-28T19:22:00.005-04:00

Smokin' Aces is a veritable Whitman's sampler of actors. In lieu of naming them all, I will just direct you to the full list here. I can wait while you check it out... (whistling "Rio" by Duran Duran)... you back? Alrighty... moving on.

Seriously though, there is an incredible cast here and every single one of them carries more than their own weight. Basically, Jeremy Piven's character (Buddy "Aces" Isreal) is a Vegas magician with mob ties who is going to talk to the Feds to save his own behind. A hit gets put out with his name on it and every possible species of hitman decides to go after him. Ex-cop bounty hunters, psychotic redneck hitler-youth brothers, and a pair of sassy black lesbians are only part of the mix in this shoot-em-up film. More character development and a better story than you would expect add to an already fun and powerful movie. Interesting twists and creative kills keep your eyes on the screen and leave you a little bit bummed when it finally does have to end. I don't want to ruin anything though, so let us continue...

Original Release: 2006
Running Time: 109 minutes
(Don't forget to see how I rate my movies.)
Death - $2
We're talking quantity and quality here folks. Each of the odd-ball characters brings their own level of violent intensity and preferred methods for mayhem. Guns and blades from small to large and even a chainsaw for added measure. When all parties converge on the hotel Isreal is holed up in, it gets loud and bloody real quick.

Acting - $2
Considering the number of actors and characters in Smokin Aces, I was astounded by just how much you get drawn in to each one of them. I felt like all of the players had had their own movie, not a relatively minor part in one collaborative film. Those that were meant to be valiant, were valiant. Those meant to be conniving, were conniving. And those meant to be soulless cold-blood killers were that and more. I tip my hat to them all.

Repeat Play - $1
I can watch this from time to time, but probably not more than once a month. As I say this, I realize, that it's probably not normal to watch many movies more than once a month... but you know what... that's what I am writing this and you are only reading it. I really enjoy watching Smokin' Aces, but do feel that I need a little bit of time between each viewing to really appreciate it... and I think that might be the key. I don't just enjoy this movie. I appreciate it and I don't think it received the credit that it's due.

Shock Value - $1
The story itself has a pretty interesting twist, and then a shock on top of the twist, but I have to say that I was also somewhat surprised by who lived and who died. Granted there were some that had "pending corpse" written all over them, but some bit and it others didn't from my initial guesses.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
In case you skipped all the way down to this part, there's a lot of death in Smokin' Aces. And it's not "gas leaks into the room and everyone lays down" death. No no no... it is "guns a blazin, blood a splurtin, sweat a drippin" action-induced death. Gun fights and fist fights and all kinda of bad ass people strutting their stuff keep the action moving along with the story here. Variety is the spice of life, and the variety of violent personalities here was more than I could have asked for.
Total Rating: $8

I don't know what to say here that I haven't already said. Smokin' Aces is fun, action packed, and well cast with a rogues' gallery of federal agents, hitmen, and random cameos. Just go see it. If you don't agree, I will buy you a beer (as long as you live in the general vicinity of me and don't creep me out).

Ghost Rider

2008-09-28T17:04:00.010-04:00

A slew of Marvel Comics movies have hit the theaters since 2000... some have been well received, and some have not. This is one of the ones that was not... Ghost Rider sees Nicolas Cage - an avid comic fan himself - take the mantle of Johnny Blaze, a motor-cycle stunt rider who makes a deal with the devil so save his father. Well... as you can expect... the devil doesn't play fair and Johnny loses his father anyway. He leaves the carnival he rode for, also leaving the girl he loved behind. Flash forward to his adult life where he is the world's most renowned stunt rider and the devil comes to claim his due. Now Johnny Blaze can transform into the flaming-skull spirit of vengeance, the Ghost Rider, and he is sent to track down some nasty demons while also dealing with the reappearance of his childhood lady-friend, played by Eva Mendes (BOING!). Enough is enough though... so lets get on to the review...

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 114 minutes
(Check out how I rate my movies.)
Acting - $0
This was bad... just bad. Cage and Mendes have both done incredible things in their careers but sweet Jesus, this movie was a train wreck. While part of it can be blamed on the script itself, I honestly can't point to anyone in this film and say they did an ok job. Good guys, bad guys and extras thoughout... they all just sucked. If you told me this was put together completely out of b-roll I would not argue at all. Everyone involved in this movie should collectively hang their heads in shame.

Effects & Animation - $1
I'm a little torn on this one. Some of the effects were pretty cool... I can't say they weren't. The ones used to create the flaming skeleton of Ghost Rider himselft were pretty sweet, but it felt as if they put 90% of the budget into that and then used the scraps leftover to make everything else. The devil and demon characters were sub-par and the scene where he melts the prison cell bars? I mean, come on... they had better effects on Reading Rainbow.

Critters & Creatures - $1
The only reason I am giving them any points for this is because I love it when they make "elemental" characters. The three fallen angels each take the form of an element - earth, wind and water - and it makes even more sense in Ghost Rider since he (unofficially) represents the fourth element... fire. The characters themselves sucked a bit, but I couldn't give it a goose egg.

Nerd Factor - $1
This is another pity point. I was never a huge fan of the Ghost Rider comics (I didn't enjoy every interpretation of him) but I would read him from time to time and definitely feel that he has always had potential to be a real kick ass character. This movie could have been SO much better and there should be another group head-hanging for not even remotely coming close to Constantine in terms of darkness and awesomeness - that's right Cage, you got beat out by Keanu.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $0
Gimme a W! Gimme an E! Gimme an A! Gimme a K! What's that spell? Ghost Rider!!! What the hell man... what the hell. The few "fights" that did happen would have been more bad-ass if they had included the Care Bear Cousins... especially that lion one. Never trusted that guy.

Total Rating: $3

I think this might be the lowest rating to date... and it is probably well deserved. BUT.. don't take that too seriously. The whole point of Ten Dollar Reviews is to let you know about all the movies (good and bad) that I love. While it only got a $3 review, I still own it and will still watch it multiple times. So I challenge you, faithful readers, to give it a go and watch it yourself. When you do, let me know what you think!

Until next time...

Live Free or Die Hard

2008-09-14T11:50:00.006-04:00

Fourth in the Die Hard series, Live Free or Die Hard brings John McClain back to the big screen for more big action. In this round, John is up against a disillusioned former government computer security genius who has decided to prove a point by taking down the entire network - travel, communications and utilities - of the United States. This "fire sale" is what he had warned them of in a manner so dramatic that they booted him out... hence the cranky pants. McClain and a young hacker played by "I'm a Mac" Justin Long travel from New Jersey to DC and further down the coast doing their best to be a thorn in the tuckus of the evil mastermind and trying to put an end to his scheme. McClain's daughter gets brought into the mix in case he wasn't motivated enough, and a bevy of henchmen try to get in his way (they do about as well as any of the henchmen in previous Die Hard flicks). I'll get into more specifics with the ratings, so why don't we just jump on in...

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 130 minutes
(Get a refresher course on how I rate my movies.)
Death - $2
It's a freakin Die Hard movie... what do you expect? People are shot... blown up... ground to bits... and shot some more! All kinds of death, and all kinds of awesome. I don't think I need to say any more than that.

Hardee-Har-Har - $1
While the Die Hard flicks are known mostly for their action, they are also pretty darn funny. McClain's wise cracks and annoying banter with his antagonists is par for the course, and the later films in the series add "side kick" characters for more comedic value, and in this one we get Justin Long as a (you guessed it) relatively awkward and nerdy dude. Live Free keeps the pace and has fun little bits interspersed with all the action.

Repeat Play - $1
I saw Die Hard With a Vengeance in the theater 5 times. It hasn't been quite that extreme for Live Free, but I've still watched it (if only in part) at least a dozen times since it came out. Part of that is its residency in my DVD collection, but some of the blame also falls on HBO for playing it so damn much. This is one of the movies that I can easily watch when lounging on the couch on the weekends... be it mid-afternoon or in the evening (if I'm not at the pub).

Hello Ladies - $1
I love me some Maggie Q. No other way to say it. She is SMOKIN! She's looking mighty fine in Live Free, and giving McClain a run for his money in their confrontations. She's not alone though... Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays Lucy (McClain's daughter) and is one of the ladies that would definitely make it to the list of Underrated Hotties (slight inside joke there gang... my apologies).

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
Tons... and I mean TONS of action. Car chases, explosions, helicopters, and a freaking fighter jet! Let me put it to you like this. He blows up a helicopter with a police car. OH... and it has that crazy Frech action guy from District B-13 (review coming soon) that does stunts and freestyle running like you wouldn't believe.
Total Rating: $7

Whether or not you are a fan of the Die Hard series, I truly think you will like Live Free or Die Hard. It has enough of a connection to the others that its enjoyable for traditionalists, but different enough that you don't have to know the background to follow and enjoy. It is all you would expect and more out of a big blockbuster action flick with the big stars and strong supporting cast to keep it from being completely mindless.

As always, I welcome you to share your thoughts. If you agree or if you think I need to lay off the pipe, then just leave a comment to let me and the masses know. Adios.

Forrest Gump

2008-09-01T11:50:00.010-04:00

Forrest Gump sealed Tom Hanks' place in history as one of the best actors of our time (which nobody saw coming after Big and Bachelor Party). The movie follows (you guessed it) Forrest Gump through his life from a young boy in Alabama with a slightly inadequate IQ and matching legs. Raised alone by his mother he fell in love with his only childhood friend Jenny and kept her in his heart through the countless historical moments he found himself directly or indirectly involved in. From All-American football player to Vietnam hero to thriving shrimping company founder, Forrest dropped everything whenever his mama or his Jenny needed him. I'm sure you've seen it, and if you haven't I don't want to ruin too much... so let's go ahead and jump into the ratings.

Original Release: 1994
Running Time: 142 minutes

Life is like a list of ratings...
(Learn more about the Ten Dollar rating system.)
Hardee-Har-Har - $1
Not intended to be a comedy per se, Forrest Gump balanced the trials and tribulations the characters face with light-hearted humor. From Forrest's misunderstandings and "mama always said" stories, to the appearances of random historical figures, you can't help but chuckle from time to time in between all of the other emotions that are brought out.

Acting - $2
Mr. Hanks brings his best throughout this film portraying the not-quite-bright Forrest. He played the role with the innocence and heart that drew audiences in and made them fall in love. This movie is far from being the "Hanks Show" though as he is backed up by phenomenal performances by Garry Sinise, Robin Wright Penn and Sally Field. Even the child actors playing the young Forrest and Jenny brought us into the characters and the story before the big players had their chance.

Repeat Play - $1
Forrest Gump is one of those movies that you can sit down and enjoy at just about any point in time. The length of the movie hurts its frequency of play though as you can't always find two and a half hours to kill.

Pump up the Jams - $2
What... a... soundtrack. Forrest Gump graces us with classic hits from across the decades that the story spans. Its not just the fact that the songs are familiar to any fan of "oldies" though, as each selection fits seamlessly into its place in the movie. I own, and still listen to frequently, the two-disk soundtrack full of tracks from the 60's, 70's and more.

Romantics - $2
This movie tells us two things about love... love is never easy, and nothing can stop it. No matter how far Jenny tried to get, Forrest still loved her and her alone. I'm sorry, but I truly feel that this is one of the greater on-screen romances in a long time. Both made their mistakes and both lived their lives but that never stopped them from loving each other. (I'm gonna go sit down to pee now.)
Total Rating: $8

Unless I am having a major nerd-out day, I will put Forrest Gump in my top five favorite movies of all time. Incredible acting and a heart-warming story will, I'm sure in time, make Forrest Gump the Citizen Kane of my generation. In fact, I challenge you to find something in this movie that is less than stellar in any way at all. I bet you can't.

As always, feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts/critiques!

The Quick and the Dead

2008-08-31T17:59:00.011-04:00

Not being a fan of the typical cowboy movie (I honestly don't enjoy John Wayne flicks), I was surprised to find myself so enthralled with The Quick and the Dead... if only for the complete atypical feeling of it. Directed by none other than Sam Raimi himself, TQATD is set in a lonely western town ruled with an iron fist by Gene Hackman's "John Herod" who's as mean as he is rich. Herod is also know for his gunslinging talents so he hosts a dueling tournament with $123,000 for the winner. All types of strange and stereotypical wild west personalities come out for the challenge, including the cocky skill-shooter, the 'unkillable' indian and the smelly scarred-up convict. Leading the story though are the Lady, the Kid and Cort (played by Sharon Stone, Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe respectively. Cort is a former cohort of Herod, turned priest to repent his sinful youth, who is brought into the tournament against his will as he's the one gun Herod fears. The Kid is, in fact, Herod's quasi-legitimate son desperate to prove his worth and back up his big mouth. And the Lady turns heads as she walks about with an air of mystery until her background and motivations are revealed.

Original Release: 1995
Running Time: 107 minutes

It's almost high noon, so let's get to the ratings...
(Need a rating system reminder?)
Death - $1
There could and should have been more death in a movie about pistol duels, but I will be a bit lenient since the rules change from "man left standing" to "man left breathing" closer to the end of the movie. Up until that point there was plenty of shooting but most of it was not with the intent to kill. One of my favorite scenes shows the shadow of a character (I won't say who) in the sand with a circle of light in the center of their chest where the bullet has passed through.

Acting - $2
Gene Hackman feels like a wild west Lex Luthor. Sharon Stone actually makes me believe for a minute she's not a whore. Crowe and DiCaprio both bring to their characters what you would expect of these two men. A mix of faces known and unknown in the supporting cast all deliver the same caliber performances as the primaries... all of which greater than you would expect for what could have easily been turned into a horrible B movie.

Repeat Play - $2
There are only so many movies that I could watch once a month or more for an entire year... and this is near the top of the list. The story and acting draw you in, the gun fights keep you watching and the painless enjoyment keeps you coming back. I can watch The Quick and the Dead almost any morning, afternoon or night by myself or with a companion (ladies, let me know if you're interested).

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
We aren't given too many fist fights here, but... well... you did read the part about this being about WILD WEST GUN DUELS right? Come on people... that's a guaranteed dollar. Oh, and Sharon Stone sucker punches a dude. Mark that off the list of things to see before I die.

Billicious - $2
The Quick and the Dead is a period film that stays true to the wild west roots, but still has a little something different about it that is just cool. Sam Raimi brings his unique view to the director's chair and delivers anything but another boring cowboy movie.
Total Rating: $8
I think I said most everything above, but I guess I need to add another note or two here. One of the great things about this movie is that it helped transition in careers for actors like Leo and Russell, while also letting Sharon grasp on to a career and helping Gene and others keep adding to their lists of memorable performances. I don't think I know anybody that has seen this movie and wouldn't include it on their guilty pleasures list, but I'd love to hear back from anyone with their thoughts... good or bad. Thanks again for joining me!

The Quick & The Dead (1995) (Theatrical Trailer)
Uploaded by NakedBrotha2007

Eurotrip

2008-08-31T11:30:00.007-04:00

Eurotrip was brought to us by the fine folks behind such cinematic classics as Road Trip and Old School... except this time they couldn't get any big-name actors to sign on (for lead roles at least). Moments after graduating from high school Scotty is dumped by his incredi-hot girlfriend Fiona as she reveals that she's been cheating on him the entire time. Sloppy drunk from the typical post-graduation house party, Scotty sends a nasty email to his Russian pen-pal thinking that its a creepy dude trying to get all up on his twig and berries. Turns out, "Mike" is "Mika" a sultry Soviet that Scotty is now apparently in love with (hey, it's the movies people). Naturally, Scotty and his best friend Cooper have the time and the means to travel to Europe on a quest to find Mika, meeting up with their worst-twins-even friends and having a slew of misadventures along the way.

Original Release: 2004
Running Time: 93 minutes

This isn't where I parked my ratings...
(Need a rating system reminder?)
Hardee-Har-Har - $2
In no way is this a smart film... A combination of toilet and locker room humor, along with witty one-liners and surprise cameos kept my belly shaking like a bowl full of jelly (I really need to do more abs). Even simple repetition of moderately funny jokes and subtly hilarious t-shirts keep the laughs coming from beginning to end.

Repeat Play - $2
The first time I saw Eurotrip, Marty and I watched it while Nick was out doing something lame. It finished just as he returned home so we sat him down and made him watch it with us again. If it hadn't been so late by the time that viewing ended, we probably would have gone for number 3. Since then I'm not sure I can count the number of times I've watched it on all my fingers and toes... maybe if I use another appendage that will be enough.

Hello Ladies - $2
This may not be completely fair since I have the unrated version of the DVD but... wow. Mika, Fiona and even Jenny (played by Michelle Trachtenberg) keep something pleasing to the eyes on the screen at almost all times. Add to the the scattered toplessness of Mika and countless extras, and you've got yourself some happy male viewers.

Pump up the Jams - $1
In what I thought was a nice touch, several parts of the movie had European covers of relatively known songs. What really earned the dollar here though was the main track "Scotty Doesn't Know" that reared its catchy head in many forms... originally played by a punked-out Matt Damon at the graduation party, it also returned as a techno remix in a Bratislava dance club and again as Cooper's ring tone. I watched Eurotrip yesterday morning and over 24 hours later I am still humming it around the house. Still not convinced? At least one of the guys in my house even made it their own ringtones!

Romantics - $0
Normally I wouldn't even consider this category for a comedy, but since the entire basis of the film is "Scotty loses love, finds potential new love, screws it up and crosses the Atlantic to fix potential new love" I felt that I needed to at least give it a try. What a mistake. The acting itself was as bad as one would expect (but still tolerable considering the genre) and it was at its worst when they were trying to talk about anything romantic. It all felt WAY too forced and just kinda silly. Oh well... better luck next time "comedy romance with no-name actors".
Total Rating: $7

Eurotrip isn't as stacked with big-name actors or as popular as some of its brethren films, but if you go into it expecting and willing to just let yourself be entertained you will not be disappointed. Here's a fun fact... it's actually better than some of the other dirty comedies that came out around that time or since! I say give it a try, and let me know what you think. Until next time...

Blade: Trinity

2008-08-24T16:37:00.010-04:00

Rounding out the trilogy of Marvel's favorite vampire hunter, Blade: Trinity makes sure to go out with a bang. Wesley Snipes once again takes the point as Blade, a half-vampire vampire hunter bent on revenge for the blood-suckers' attack on his mother that took her life (sort of) and left him as the "Daywalker". Blade is one of the lesser-known but more bad ass characters from the Marvel Universe and fought Dracula and a slew of demons in his comic book run. In the 90's he returned as part of the Nightstalkers, a three-man vampire hunting crew that inspired parts of this film. In the movie version, the Nightstalkers are a larger network of sleeper cells working together, with the focus of the movie being on Hollywood-ized versions of the comic trio. Ryan Reynolds plays Hannibal King, the former vampire looking to stake as many hearts as he breaks (that's a lil gift for all my lady readers) and Jessica Biel takes the role of Abigail Whistler, the daughter of Blade's mentor and arms supplier who finally maybe dies for real the third time around. This time around, Blade and his compatriots have to fight the O.G. (that's "original gangstah" for my honkey friends) Dracula... patriarch to the entire vampire species. Parker Posey, HHH and a few folks I don't know find him and bring him back to kill Blade and evolve their people to the status of "day walker" as well. Lots of action... lots of blood... What more do you want?

Running Time: 113 minutes
Original Release: 2004

This is the time on Sprockets when we rate...
(Need a rating system reminder?)
Death - $2
It could be argued that killing vampires doesn't count since they are the "undead" but friggin hell, they are dropping like flies in this piece. If you blink you might miss a suck-head turning to ash and you'll be hard pressed to find it happen the same way twice. Add to that the body count of secondary characters and extras, and that's some might fine death!

Hardee-Har-Har - $2
Parker Posey and Ryan Reynolds... did you honestly think you would ever see these two together in a film? Each with a complete mastery of their own unique comedic styles, they lead the humor of the film with a fierce combination of one-liners, potty mouths and subtle innuendos. The reactions of all the other characters to the borderline annoying personalities of these two only makes the jokes funnier. You find yourself just waiting for Blade to punch, shoot or stab Hannibal King in order to shut him up. Oh, and there is a vampire Pomeranian named Pacman.

Hello Ladies - $2
Jessica Biel... $1. Jessica Biel in the shower... $2. What, were you expecting more explanation? Fine... there is some other eye candy here and there, but if you need that in addition to J.B. then you may not like chicks. It's a possibility.

Pump up the Jams - $2
Sometimes solid action and the use of vampires just isn't enough. And that is exactly why they made phenomenal use of a supporting soundtrack for Blade: Trinity. I believe RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan was heavily involved in the composition of select tracks and the inclusion of others and his musical genius is well represented in both. Background music amplifies the "vampire chic" world that is shown in the films, and the director took advantage of the iPod buds in Biel's ears to play the intense drum-and-bass tracks that fit well with the style of the fight scenes.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
Damn... just damn. Snipes, Biel and Reynolds are cracking skulls left and right. Even more, you have Triple H and Dominic Purcell both f-ing some folks up the way big guys can. We are treated to sword fights, gun fights, hand-to-hand combat and a nifty car chase scene that keeps the eyes forward and the blood pumping from start to finish.
Total Rating: $10

Well, here you are folks... my first perfect review... Blade: Trinity got the full $10! I hope this doesn't ruffle any feathers, and please know that I do NOT just hand these ratings out. I had a difficult time picking which categories to use for this review and looking back, even if I had gone with a couple of the others I was considering I would STILL have had $2 across the board. If you haven't seen this movie, then I ask that you at least give it a try before you make up your mind. Watching the first two Blade films will help a little in understanding the character, but is not necessary in order to follow and enjoy Blade: Trinity. As always, feel free to leave me a comment with your thoughts!

Transformers

2008-08-24T11:59:00.017-04:00

Transformers came to America in the early 80's by way of a hit cartoon series and an incredible supporting toy line from Hasbro. A race of aliens from the planet Cybertron, two groups of warring Transformers (the Autobots and the Decepticons) find their way to Earth and use their ability to mimic local technology and revert between that and their bipedal robot form to blend in or battle... whichever seems right at the time. The classic cartoon was also made into a feature film in the 80's, but never before has there been an undertaking of this magnitude for the characters. A lot of fan-boys were very nervous when word came out that Michael Bay would be the man to bring Transformers to the big screen in their first live-action appearance. Even I wasn't fully comfortable with the thought that Optimus Prime was in the hands of the dude behind cinematic atrocities such as The Island and Pearl Harbor (which I still refuse to see). But... I will be a monkey's uncle if he didn't kick ass and take names with the film he put together. While some parts still felt very Bay-ish, Transformers took smart cracks at its own history with a "more than meets the eye" line and at Bay himself when an extra running towards the crash landing of one of the Autobots shouts "this is a hundred times cooler than Armageddon". And that fat boy was RIGHT. An interesting blend of acting talent is led by Shia Lebouf (who I don't care enough about to see if I spelled it right) and joined by Jon Voight, John Turturro, Anthony Anderson and more. Long story short... the Transformers are looking for the All Spark which is being hidden with a frozen Megatron buy a secret government organization... Decepticons start attacking, Autobots start defending, and man is caught in the middle. I think I've ranted enough now, but there is more to say so I will elaborate more in the individual ratings. Let's get down to business.

Original Release: 2007
Running Time: 144 minutes

On to the ratings!!
(Need a rating system reminder?)
Effects & Animation - $2
Jesus tap-dancing Christ. I knew the effects were going to be impressive here but still could not prepare myself for the level of detail put into bringing giant transforming alien robots to life. The transformations themselves were masterful, and even more so when performed in motion (driving down the highway or taking off / landing in the middle of the city). Every time I watch the movie I find another spot where I hadn't noticed how intricate the computer animation truly was.

Repeat Play - $2
I watched it two and a half times this weekend... and might go for more. I honestly think that this is one of the movies I will have to re-buy at some point because I will wear out the one I have.

Hello Ladies - $1
Megan Fox and that Australian chick? Sha-WING! It's a Michael Bay movie so not even a hint of side boob, but it felt like at least one of them was on screen at all times. Not too shabby at all.

Nerd Factor - $2
Are you kidding? It's the f#!king Transformers!! Every child in the last 20 years (I won't limit this to boys) has played with what aer arguably one of the greatest toys ever created. With the robust character history and variations to pull from, they thankfully still went back to the beginning with the Autobots and the Decepticons battling each other on Earth and taking on (for the most part) normal civilian and military vehicles. Optimus was a tractor trailer... Starscream was a fighter jet and even though they upgraded Bumble Bee, they did have him parked next to the throw-back vintage yellow Beetle. Some other modifications were made in order for the film to work in present day, but none of it took away from the movie at all. And I must say... a simultaneous shiver went down the spine of every nerd in the room as the opening credits ended and Optimus' voice came through the speakers, courtesy of the original Mark Cullen.

Billicious - $2
Everything about this movie makes me think that it was made just for me. I love the characters, I love the toys, and I love explosions. Even the shirt Michael Bay wore during the filming is awesome.

Transformers has nostalgia, humor, hotties and ground breaking special effects that still have yet to be matched. Get out of my head Michael Bay... get out!!!
Total Rating: $9

I know some people are surprised that it took me this long to review Transformers, and that not everyone agrees with my views on the level of awesome it managed to achieve. So, if you think I rated it too high OR not high enough, feel free to leave me a comment and let me know. I think it is fair to say though that the only thing that sucks is we have to wait until 2009 to see the next one!

The Science of Sleep

2008-08-17T11:43:00.006-04:00

The Science of Sleep is directed by the visionary Micheal Gondry - also known for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Be Kind Rewind - and let me begin by telling you that this is as unique and trippy as you would expect. The movie centers on Stephane, a guy in his 20's that moves from Mexico to France at his mother's request. Bored to death with his promotional calendar job, Stephane finds inspiration and confusion with his equally artsy and quirky neighbor Stephanie (yes, their names are very close to each other). Stephane (the dude) escapes to his dreams and finds difficulty breaking down the barrier between his imagination and reality leading to odd relationships with his new friends and coworkers.

Original Release: 2006 (France)
Running Time: 105 minutes

It's rating time!
(Need a rating system reminder?)
Acting - $1
I wouldn't have told anyone to prepare their Oscar speeches but for a (I'm assuming) low budget foreign film I was pleased. International films tend sit as well with me as international cuisine but I enjoyed not knowing anyone that was in The Science of Sleep and really feeling like the characters are people I could know or work with. The constant swapping between languages (English, French and Spanish) made it a little hard to follow and must have been extremely confusing for the actors too, so big ups to them for making it seem so effortless. And one can't forget the script itself and the assuredly difficult task of bringing what must have been a completely drug-induced concept to the screen.

Effects & Animation - $1
I am probably being a little generous here considering where I would normally set the bar for special effects, but the use of elementary school arts and crafts supplies was obviously intentional and I actually enjoyed the simplicity of it. Dream sequences and random occurrences in "reality" kept my eyes open looking for the next use. The methods used here also fit well with the two main characters' passion for creativity and wierd artsy stuff. Nothing was ground breaking, but it was definitely enjoyable.

Repeat Play - $0
I've had this movie for over a year now and finally got around to watching it. I had tried several times before but (ironically) could stay awake past the first ten minutes. Now that I've seen it, the DVD will go back up to the shelf and probably sit there for well over another year before I try to sit through it again.

Hello Ladies - $1
OK... I dig me some European chicks. But I was not really impressed with anything here. Stephanie's friend was kinda cute but barely present in the movie. I'm giving it $1 on a technicality... there actually WAS side boob.

Romantics - $0
While the acting was pretty good, I couldn't for the life of me get into the connection between Stephane and Stephanie. I could barely keep up with who liked who at any given time and was even more baffled by trying to figure out whether what I just saw was actually happening or if it was in his dreams.
Total Rating: $3

I know a lot of people like this movie and I didn't DISlike it but I was far from wowed. I got a kick out of Stephane's calendar idea (if you want to know you have to watch it) though and I learned two very important things from watching The Science of Sleep:

I can't watch a movie with subtitles on the tiny TV in my room, and if I wanted to read I would pick up a book, not a DVD
There are cheaper alternatives to illegal drugs... I can't afford the nose candy, but this movie was close enough)

As always, I hope you enjoyed reading and feel free to leave me some feedback!

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

2008-08-16T11:20:00.005-04:00

In what I believe is a prequal to Tin Cup, Kevin Costner takes on the role of Robin Hood... and the role wins. Costner is joined by such talent as Morgan Freeman, Alan Rickman and... um... I guess Christian Slater sort of counts. Returning from the crusades to find that Rickman's Sheriff of Nottingham has killed his father (that's Mr. Hood to you) and taken over their family land, Robin joins the rebellious tenants of Sherwood Forest to fight back in the name of his family and King Richard (holy shit, is that Sean Connery?). Along the way Robin is joined by side characters familiar and not in Robin Hood lore including the drunkard Friar Tuck, his newfound love Maid Marian, his Moore companion, and his blind servant adding more depth than one would normally find in this classic outlaw tale.

Running Time: 143 minutes
Original Release: 1991

It's rating time...
(Need a rating system reminder?)

Death - $1
Considering the number of fights or battles there was potential for a lot more and a lot better death. I was tempted to give this one a goose egg, but the scene where Morgan Freeman chucks that big ass sword through the crazy witch lady... yeah, that deserves a dollar at least.

Acting - $1
Inconsistent would be an understatement in describing the performances in this movie. Morgan Freeman? Awesome. Alan Rickman? Genius. Costner and Slater made me feel like I was watching a medieval Bill & Ted. British accents were varied between actors and had Houdini-level disappearing acts. If it had meant to be campy then I would probably be a bit more forgiving.

Repeat Play - $1
I never wake up in the morning and think to myself "golly self, you should watch Prince of Thieves today, then go wash the feet of the homeless" but I DO feel the need to pop in the DVD whenever I hear "Everything I Do, I Do it for You"... you win this round Bryan Adams.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $1
I hate to be a jerk but I really think there could have been more scrappin' in this movie. Considering the over-two-hour run time there was ample opportunity for action. It seems Hollywood felt differently though and added weak romance and weaker comedy into the mix.

Romantics - $1
An unavoidable part of the story, the romantic connection between Robin and Marian felt somewhat forced and unnatural. It sort of makes sense that they had interest in each other since he's the only guy in the movie that admits to bathing and she's the apparently the ONLY attractive lady in England. There were a few moments of believability, but overall it just feels awkward for them and for us.

Total Rating: $5

While the budget for this film definitely stole from the rich, I'm not sure how much it gave back to the poor. Don't let that stop you from seeing it though. I do have to admit that Prince of Thieves has a certain entertaining element that made room for it in my collection and brings me back to watching it at least a couple times a year. Oh... and you see Costner's bare bum through a waterfall. Don't say I didn't try to warn you. If you're not still reading this far down then you have no reason to complain about not being prepared to avert your eyes.

Toy Story

2008-08-03T18:00:00.006-04:00

Tom Hanks and Tim Allen lead the voice cast of this animated new classic. Toy Story is just that... a story about a group of toys and how they interact with each other and their owner. Hanks' old-school cowboy "Woody" feels the heat when Allen's space ranger "Buzz Lightyear" arrives on the birthday of Andy, their owner. Fearing replacement, Woody half-accidentally knocks Buzz out of the house and is then exiled by the other toys for this betrayal. Stuck outside on their own, Buzz and Woody set off on an adventure to get back into the home and good graces of Andy.

Running Time: 81 minutes
Original Release: 1995

Now the ratings...
(Need a rating system reminder?)
For Ages 5 and Up - $2
Anyone that doesn't like this movie should be sent to the Vatican and tested as the Anti-Christ. My young cousin loves it. My grandfather loves it. I love it too. If you don't like it, then we have nothing else to say to one another. Goodbye. (Five bucks says you're still there.)

Hardee-Har-Har - $2
Toy Story pulls from the comedic strength of the voice cast and adds "silly" humor for the younger audience along with smarter humor that is better received by the older viewers. The best jokes though are the relatively subtle ones about the rogues gallery of toys from over the years found in Andy's room... Barrel of Monkeys, Squeaky Shark, Etch-a-Sketch and more!!

Effects & Animation - $2
For its time, this was the leading computer animated movie. It has led to many more Pixar and Disney animated films but still stands the test of time, looking just as impressive today as the day it hit the theaters.

Acting - $2
Much like the animation, the acting in this movie was infinitely better than its predecessors. It set the standard for high-end actors' involvement in animated family movies that is still strong to this day. Voice acting itself can be difficult, but it is performed with excellence here and combined perfectly with body and facial reactions of the characters that make it feel almost real.

Critters & Creatures - $1
This category was made more for fictional creatures like those you would find in Star Wars or A Sound of Thunder (if you have to ask, then you don't want to know) but I felt that it is still appropriate here. The wide range of toys used in the movie was brilliantly assembled with classics like Mr. Potato Head and the little green army guys as well as new creations like Woody and Buzz Lightyear. They pulled at the heart strings with nostalgia while also performing an act of marketing genius with new toy lines, cartoons and other tie-ins flooding pop culture. Plus, we've all seen the mash-up toys that were destroyed by friends or siblings, so the scene where Sid is attacked by the toys he'd mishandled still cracks me up and freaks me out at the same time.
Total Rating: $9
I have seen and enjoyed almost every Disney / Pixar animated movie that's come out since Toy Story (except for that straight-to-DVD crap) but Toy Story is one of the few that will continue to be at the top of the list. This is one of those movies that I will one day show my children (or nieces and nephews... neither is coming any time soon) and it will be as funny and incredible as it is now. Feel free to leave a comment and let me know if you agree.

Green Street Hooligans

2008-08-03T17:15:00.008-04:00

Elijah Wood plays a kid that gets kicked out of Harvard for drugs found in his room that belong to his uber-douchebag roommate. This leads him to travel to merry ol' England to visit his sister and her new husband and child over there. He befriends his new brother-in-law's younger brother and his crew of soccer hooligan buddies... I think they might be from around the Green Street area. The new Yank in the crew is not entirely welcome by all and gets in the mix with their numerous rivalries and post-game scraps. To keep from spoiling anything or giving too many details, I'll just start heading over to the ratings...
(Need a rating system reminder?)

Running Time: 109 minutes
Original Release: 2005

Pump up the Jams - $2
First things first... 'football' fight songs and other British drinking songs. I would just leave it at that, but the supporting soundtrack worked well to amplify hardcore or emotional elements of the fights and other scenes throughout the movie.

Acting - $2
The combination of popular American actors and less familiar faces from across the pond helped keep the acting fresh as you can't get too comfortable with people you connect to so many other roles and characters. Every... single... person in this movie delivered an astounding performance that begs to be seen time and again.

Repeat Play - $1
To no fault of its own, this movie is not one that can be watched on an extremely regular basis. The story gets heavy and the drama gets intense leaving the viewer wanting to see more but needing time to rest in between.

Action and Ass-Kickery - $2
This movie is jam-packed with brutal face-to-face and fist-to-fist street brawls between rival firms ("gangs" for everyone over Americanized). Hooligans to the bone, the young lads that the movie centers on are too busy kicking ass to even bother taking names. It's pretty much several rounds of the famous fight from They Live.

Billicious - $2
British people? Check. Awesome fights? Check. That chick from Mallrats? Check.
Awesome.

Total Review: $9
A strong story set in England is pretty much aces for me. Seeing Elijah Wood get repeatedly punched in the face is icing on the cake. If they had managed to somehow include dinosaurs or ninjas too, it might have gotten the perfect score.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to leave me some feedback.

Hannibal Rising

2008-08-03T10:29:00.008-04:00

Let me start by saying that I had very mixed expectations going into this movie. I've owned the book for almost 2 years now and haven't read it yet, so when the DVD finally made its way to the $4.99 sale at Best Buy I said screw it and just bought it. I am a big fan of the whole Lecter series and was scared by both the movie AND the book of Silence of the Lambs.

This is the fourth movie in the series, but is actually a prequel, and is the only one that doesn't include Anthony Hopkins. Hannibal Rising brings us back to the childhood and origin of the brilliantly mad Hannibal Lecter and what drove the genius to such barbaric yet elegant acts.

Running Time: 130 minutes
Original Release: 2007

On to the rankings...
(Need a rating system reminder?)
Death - $2
While there could have been more death considering the main character, the quantity that we did get was well spread out through the film and kept me waiting for the next victim to get what's coming to them. Variety and creativity were both solid. From ninja swords to cannibalism, each murder was as unique as it was deserved.

Acting - $1
A cast of relative unknowns (or at least unfamiliars) didn't do half bad... and did at least twice as well as I was expecting. The relationships between some of the characters seemed odd, but I think this was intentional and therefore not distracting or annoying. My biggest frustration was the slew of accents... we have French, German, Japanese and a few I couldn't quite place all blending together. Also... didn't Hannibal always sound British?

Repeat Play - $1
I will definitely be watching this again, but not right away. I think this is one of those movies where I will want to see it with other people to see how they react to it. I don't always have the same opinions on movies as most folks (which is why I write this nonsense) and I am curious as to whether or not other Hannibal fans will agree that this isn't the disappointment many people expected.

Shock Value - $2
Interesting death and plot coupled with... wait for it... DOMINIC WEST. Don't know who that is? Get up right this second and go rent the first season of The Wire. Don't give me that look... get up and go right now. I can wait.
Back? Ok... I'll continue. We also learn where the flesh eating habits of Lecter originated with a slight twist on it towards the end. I won't spoil it though.

Billicious - $1
Underrated and not frequently seen, this is they type of movie I enjoy and hope to inspire you fine people to go out and try for yourself.

Total Rating: $7
This movie is part of how I spent a Saturday night, and I am perfectly fine with that. An overall enjoyable experience and definitely a welcome addition to the Ten Dollar collection. This is also my first review post, so feel free to leave me any thoughts or feedback on the post or the movie itself.

Ten Dollar Ratings

2008-08-03T09:34:00.003-04:00

Before I jump in and post my first official review (coming VERY soon, I promise) I thought it might be a good idea for me to explain HOW I will be evaluating each movie. For every movie, I will pick 5 topics to rate it on. There are more than 5 topics total but since the movies I own are a bit... well... diverse, I realized that there is no way to have one set review method that will work for everything. Each of the topics will then get a rating between $0 and $2 giving the movie a possible total of $10 (hence the name of this blog, genius). With that, here are the topics I can pick from to rate a movie:

Death
$0 - Small quantity and even less creativity.
$1 - Acceptable amount, but I pretty much saw it all in the trailer.
$2 - Holy crap, that was NUTS.

For Ages 5 and Up
$0 - Not even a child would watch this nonsense.
$1 - I could justify watching this again as long as there is a minor in the room and the state is ok with that.
$2 - If you're 27 or 72... you will still dig this flick.

Hardee-Har-Har
$0 - I laughed harder watching Schindler's List.
$1 - I laughed on the first watching, but never again.
$2 - I think I pooped a little.

Acting
$0 - Did I just watch a 3rd grade school play?
$1 - They put in as much effort as the budget called for.
$2 - I don't think she was faking it.

Effects & Animation
$0 - I actually saw the green screen.
$1 - Not too shabby for when it was made.
$2 - I'm going to have to ask my priest if that was real or not.

Critters & Creatures
$0 - Remember that cat with a crown from Mr. Rogers? Yeah... that bad.
$1 - I can't say it was worse than the gang on Pee Wee's Play House.
$2 - I will be checking under my bed before I go to sleep tonight.

Repeat Play
$0 - I just got a new coaster.
$1 - I'll throw it in for background noise while I fold my laundry.
$2 - I just have to take a quick leak... then I'm going for round 2.

Hello Ladies
$0 - I don't care what you say... she had an adam's apple.
$1 - Was that side boob?
$2 - Half Mast

Pump up the Jams
$0 - That barking dogs Christmas album would have been more tolerable.
$1 - Either my toe was tapping to the music or I need to refill my ritalin.
$2 - I downloaded some of the tracks before I even began this review.

Shock Value
$0 - I got exactly what I expected here.
$1 - I didn't see that coming, but I'll tell you I did.
$2 - Wait, Bruce Willis was dead the whole time?

Nerd Factor
$0 - Thank you for ruining one of the greatest parts of my childhood.
$1 - Well, at least they tried.
$2 - Virgins all over the world shall rejoice.

Action and Ass-Kickery
$0 - That was more boring than a game of kick-the-can.
$1 - My jaw hurt a little from watching that.
$2 - Tons of neck-breaking.

Romantics
$0 - I get more emotional watching I Can't Believe It's Not Butter commercials.
$1 - Aww... that was kinda sweet... "puppy" sweet.
$2 - What are you talking about? I just got something in my eye... that's all.

Billicious
$0 - I expected more and was let down.
$1 - Not a shabby way to spend 2 hours.
$2 - Wow... just wow.

The Full List

2008-07-26T18:34:00.067-04:00

The question that comes up a lot and inspired me to start this in the first place is - "What movies do you actually own?" So here it is... a FULL list of my movie collection. I will continue to update the list as it grows and I will drop in links to reviews as I get them written...

Current Tally: 230
Latest Additions: Quantum of Solace, Rock N Rolla, Run Fatboy Run
Last Updated: 5/2/09

Num - A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P - Q - R - S - T - U - V - W - X - Y - Z

13th Warrior, The
28 Days Later
30 Days of Night
300
3:10 to Yuma
40-Year-Old Virgin, The

Across the Universe
Airplane!
Aladin
Alien
American Psycho
Anchorman
Aristocrats
Army of Darkness

Bank Job, The
Batman
Batman Begins
Beerfest
Behind Enemy Lines
Big
Big Fish
Big Hit, The
Black Hawk Down
Black Sheep (not the comedy)
Blade
Blade II
Blade Trinity
Blades of Glory
Boondock Saints
Borat
Bottle Rocket
Bourne Identity
Bourne Supremacy
Bourne Ultimatum
Braveheart
Breach
Brotherhood of the Wolf

Casino Royale
Cat in the Hat, The
Children of Men
Chronicles of Riddick, The
Clue
Condemned, The
Constantine
Crow, The

Da Vinci Code, The
Dark Knight, The
Das Boot
Dawn of the Dead
Daywatch
Death Race
Departed, The
District B-13
Die Hard
Die Hard 2: Die Harder
Die Hard With a Vengeance
Domino
Doctor Strange (Marvel Animated)
Donnie Darko
Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story

Enemy at the Gates
Eternam Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Eurotrip

Fantastic 4
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Fargo
Fifth Element, The
Fight Club
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forrest Gump
Fountain, The
Full Metal Jacket

Gangs of New York
Ghost World
Ghostbusters 1
Ghostbusters 2
Ghost Rider
Green Street Hooligans

Hamlet 2
Hannibal Rising
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
History of Violence, A
Hitcher, The
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The
Hoodwinked
Hook
Hot Fuzz
Hot Rod
House of 1000 Corpses
Hunt for the Red October, The

Identity
Idiocracy
Illusionist, The
Incredible Hulk, The
Incredibles, The
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Inside Man
Iron Man
Iron Man (Marvel Animated)

Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park: The Lost World
Jurassic Park III
Just Friends

King Kong
Knocked Up

Labyrinth
Lady in the Water
Layer Cake
Leminy Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
Little Miss Sunshine
Live Free or Die Hard
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
Lord of the Rings: Two Towers
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Love Actually

Marine, The
Master and Commander
Matrix, The
Memento
Miami Vice
Minority Report
Mission Impossible III
Moulin Rouge
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. Brooks
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Mummy, The
Muppet Christmas Carrol, The

Nacho Libre
Napoleon Dynamite
Never Ending Story, The
Never Ending Story II, The
Night Watch
Number 23

Once
Ong-bak

Panic Room
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Pitch Black
Pledge, The
Predator
Prestige, The
Protector, The

Quantum of Solace
Quick and the Dead, The

Red Dawn
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Revolver
Road to Perdition
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Robin Hood: Price of Thieves
Rock N Rolla
Rumor Has It
Run Fatboy Run

Saved!
Saw
Saw 2
Saw 3
Saw 4
Science of Sleep, The
Serenity
Se7en
Shaun of the Dead
Shoot 'Em Up
Shooter
Silence of the Lambs, The
Simpsons Movie, The
Sin City
Sixth Sense, The
Sky High
Smokin' Aces
Snakes on a Plane
Snatch
Spaceballs
Spider-Man
Spider-Man 2
Spider-Man 3
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
Starship Troopers
Strange Brew
Strange Wilderness
Stranger than Fiction
Strangers with Candy
Sukiyaki Western Django
Superbad
Superman: Doomsday
Superman Returns
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Butcher of Fleet Street

Talladega Nights
Team America: World Police
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Thank You for Smoking
Three Kings
Tombstone
Total Recall
Toy Story
Transformers
Tropic Thunder
Truman Show

Ultimate Avengers (Marvel Animated)
Ultimate Avengers 2 (Marvel Animated)
Unbreakable
Underworld
Underworld Evolution
Usual Suspects, The

Van Wilder

Wall-E
Wanted
War of the Worlds
Warriors, The
Wayne's World
We Were Soldiers
Willow

X-Men
X-Men 2
X-Men: The Last Stand

Zack and Miri Make a Porno